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z^oems and ^^fte/no//*s 
of 

William Slo6ert ^oore, 

>^4temphis, 3^enn., HI. S. >^. 





THE LIBRARY OF 
CONGResS, 

Two Copies Received 

my 9 1903 

Copyright Entry 

CLASSU (^ XXO. No. 

COPY B.' 



,703 



Copyrighted 

BY 

WILLIAM ROBERT MOORE 

May 1st 

1903 



f \. 



MEMPHIS: 

Press of Eyre Brothers 
1903 



DEDICATION 

TO THE SEVERAL DISTINGUISHED AND HONORABLE 
GENTLEMEN WHOSE FRIENDLY NAMES ARE PLAYFULLY INTER- 
WOVEN INTO SOME OF THE HUMOROUS VERSES THAT 
HEREINAFTER FOLLOW, THIS UNPRETENTIOUS 
AND HARMLESS LITTLE BOOK IS KINDLY, 
AND CORDIALLY, AND RESPECT- 
FULLY DEDICATED BY 

THE AUTHOR 



The Price of This Book is 

ONE DOLLAR 

Proceeds to be Devoted Alone to 

CHARITY 



PEEFACE. 

This little volume is purely an afterthought. It is 
in no sense a candidate for fame. Its merits or de- 
merits are not up for consideration. It was not writ- 
ten with even a remote purpose or view to publica- 
tion in book form. Its varied matter— Love, Patriot- 
ism, Sentiment, Satire, and what not— without pre- 
tence or affectation, was flung off from time to time 
without forethought and merely for the author's own 
diversion and amusement. 

At odd, and sometimes widely recurring intervals, 
during a long life of strenuous, commercial activity, 
not devoted alone to lucre, the author would find relief 
and recreation in this sort of innocent occupation; 
and has only at this late day been prevailed upon, by, 
perhaps, too partial personal friends, to publish 
as a mere reminiscence, in permanent form, 
and east the little waif without revision upon 
the boundless Sea of Literature, quite oblivious 
of all resulting consequences, and fully content 



PREFACE. 

to abide by and submit to whatever storms may dash 
it against the rugged rocks of criticism. With this 
frank explanation, therefore, and without apology 
to the impartial public : 

The brat is mine, make of it what you will 
You'll pore it through before you get your fill; 
And should you find some lines you may not like, 
Don't fall into a rage— keep cool, don't strike; 
And don't imagine everything here writ 
Contains quintessence of superior wit; 
Nor, on the other hand, reject what's good 
Because some carping critic says you should. 

Like many other books that crowd the shelves. 
And like (who knows?) it may be e'en ourselves, — 
It's good and bad so well may blended be. 
That e'en the blind can hardly fail to see. 

It follows in no antecedent train; 
Its motives each are lofty in the main ; 
'Twas written to give pleasure, and not pain: 
And if its playful thrusts cut now and then, 
They're only meant for stalwart, public men,— 
Men, who, themselves the practicie first begun, 
And through the habit some distinction won. 



PREFACE. iii 

But lest some stranger reader should conclude. 
Some verses tow'rds some good man might seem 

rude, 
Such purpose is here strongly disavowed 
And all disclaimers boldly made aloud,— 
They're penned, alone, in Charity— be sure. 
And signed in good faith,— 

WILLIAM ROBERT MOORE. 



CONTENTS. 

Memoirs 3 

Retrospect, Introspect, Prospect 21 

Our Nan 25 

I Thought of Thee 26 

To My Little Angel, M. W 30 

A Sunday Poem 31 

The Fakir Boy From Plains of Alkali 32 

The Editor and the Correspondent 47 

To a Pretty Little Hypochrondriac 49 

Historical, Allegorical, Metaphorical 50 

To Miss M. B 57 

Apostrophe — To Whiskey 58 

Political PoUiwogs 59 

"Good Times A-Comin' " 60 

To Alice, From William 61 

"My Little Coquette" 62 

Goodbye, Old Year 64 

To Miss M. W 65 



vi CONTENTS, 

Kalamazoo 65 

The Stars and Stripes 67 

A Toast to the Ladies 72 

"That's So" 73 

A True Woman— What Is She? 74 

Old Uncle Nicodemus and His 'Coon Dogs 75 

Valentine 84 

Romeo and Juliet 87 

A Satire : 88 

To Miss J. L 94 

Oshkosh 95 

Tale of a Wagpoot 95 

The Democratic Editors 97 

To Miss M. W 100 

Common Sense and Common Honesty 101 

Before and After 115 

To Miss A. C 117 

Morning— To Miss A. B 119 

The Flag— An Allegory 120 

To L. E 125 

Beautiful Bathers 126 

Epitaph : 127 

To Miss E. T 127 



CONTENTS. vii 

Philosophy in Sunday Clothes 129 

A Boulevard Belle 135 

On the Balcony, by Moonlight 163 

The Red Wagon of Progress 137 

Mrs. Shoddy Smith 141 

Saturday Night 142 

To Miss F. T 143 

Mrs. Fusser, of Fusserville 144 

To Miss M. M , 147 

Christmas Carol, 1894 147 

Key West 149 

"She Was Not There" 150 

Woman's Inconstancy 151 

Lines to a Commercial Correspondent 152 

To Mr. and Mrs. Edward Crump 153 

Gro' and Lil' 154 

Ditty— To Eddie Wagpoot Carmack 157 

Evanescence 160 

Just For Fun 160 

Republican Campaign Song 163 

A Pair of Young Lovers 169 

Protection vs. Free Trade 170 

Jack and 1 178 



viii CONTENTS. 

To My Sweetheart 178 

Advice to Boys of Y. M. C. A 180 

To a Little Sunbeam 183 

A Dutch Supper 183 

Mary's Little Lamb 184 

To Miss F. K 185 

A Little Blonde 188 

On Young's Pier 188 

Lines to an Atheist 189 

A Tennessee Club Girl 191 

Our Jones 192 

Miss Blight 194 

Campaign Song 197 

Toast to Memphis 200 

Grand March of the National Editorial Association of the 
United States 203 

Watkins— McLean 210 

Help the Needy 211 

Be Ever Just and True 214 

An Open Letter to the Young Men and Boys of the 
Southern States 215 



MEMOIRS 



MEMOIRS. 

We present in our columns today an excellent like- 
ness of one of our most conspicuous fellow-citizens. 
Mr. Moore is a native of Huntsville, Ala., but lias 
lived in Tennessee since he was six months old, and 
for more than forty years in Memphis. His widowed 
mother, now eighty-six years old, and unusually vig- 
orous, is living near Fosterville, in Middle Tennessee, 
in the same house that she built more than fifty years 
ago. To say that Mr. Moore possesses striking char- 
acteristics is but speaking truly. He has for more 
than a generation been one of oar most active and suc- 
cessful business men, paying through all the vicissi- 
tudes of trade, one hundred cents to the dollar, and 
has been at all times an earnest promoter of whatever 
policy tended to build up the material interests of 
both Memphis and the surrounding country. 

Originally an old line whig in politics, he, later on, 
joined the Republican party, voting for Abraham 
Lincoln, and every Republican ticket since that time. 
He has never sought nor asked for an office. In 1866, 
having been nominated and lawfully elected to our 
State legislature, he went to Nashville and was sworn 
in, but thereupon voluntarily resigned, because there 
had been a technical violation of the law, a reason 



4 MEMOIRS. 

which forbade his high sense of honor holding an 
office in even a remote manner tainted with political 
irregularity. He was, later on, without his knowl- 
edge or consent, nominated for, and was elected to the 
Forty-seventh Congress of the United States, over the 
distinguished Hon. Casey Young. He was unani- 
mously renominated but declined a re-election. He 
was voted for, unanimously, for Vice President of the 
United States, by both the State delegations of Mis- 
sissippi and Tennessee, at the Chicago Republican 
National Convention of 1888, that nominated Benja- 
min Harrison for President; but in a three minutes' 
speech before the convention declined that distin- 
guished honor. He has been repeatedly urged— for 
the last several terms— to allow the use of his name 
for Governor of Tennessee; but his disinclination for 
official honors has prevented his acceptance. 

He is a pointed, vigorous and sententious writer, 
in the fields of both prose and poetry ; in the latter of 
which he frequently indulges as a mere matter of di- 
version and pastime, an illustration of which appears 
in today's Graphic. He is a very positive sort of 
man ; indeed there is nothing negative in his character 
or past history. He is not, perhaps, wholly destitute 
of all terrestrial virtues ; nor does he claim to be quite 
yet properly prepared for celestial transport. He, 
like all positive men, has perhaps his fair share of ene- 
mies ; but has nevertheless a yet greater array of earn- 
est friends, who are cabled to him by hooks of steel. 
He, in short, claims only to be an every-day, all-round, 



MEMOIRS. 5 

human sort of man— not better than everybody else ; 
but, perhaps, quite equal with, and up to the full av- 
erage; and his chief regret is that he is not better 
than the best of his fellows. He is a married man, 
witliout children, but with an accomplished and beau- 
tiful wife to whom he is faithfully devoted. 

He belongs to no secret society. He neither smokes, 
chews tobacco, nor drinks whisky. His religion is 
broad, reverential and catholic; and of that sympa- 
thetic and charitable sort which ^^suft'ereth long and 
is kind.'' His ideal books are Shakespeare and the 
Bible ; and he regrets not having had time to commit 
all of each to memory. 

His ambition is not for personal popularity; but 
rather, first to earn and then to retain the enlightened 
approbation of both his own judgment and his own 
conscience. He knows '' 'tis not in mortals to com- 
mand success; but he desires more— to deserve it."— 
From the Memphis Social Graphic. 



MEMOIBS. 



MOORE, WILLIAM ROBERT. Robert Cleveland 
Moore, the father of William R., was of English 
descent, and family tradition says that he was a de- 
scendant of Oliver Cromwell. His mother, also of 
English lineage, was descended through a long line 
of ancestors named Martin and Cleveland, and run 
back directly to Colonel Ben Cleveland, who was in 
chief command and killed at the battle of King's 
Mountain, during the war of the Revolution. Mr. 
Moore's direct American ancestors were all Virgin- 
ians, and slave-holders. He was born March 28, 1830, 
in Huntsville, Ala. When he was six months old 
his father died, leaving his widow and two children 
in straitened circumstances. They at once removed 
to Beech Grove, Coffee county, Tenn. After a resi- 
dence there of six years she married John Mills Wat- 
kins, and went to live at Posterville, Rutherford 
county, Tenn., where she still resides in the house she 
erected fifty years ago. 

Mr. Moore 's youth was spent on a farm, and his fa- 
cilities for obtaining an education were limited. As 
he grew to manhood he utilized all the means within 
his reach to discipline his mind and store it with prac- 
tical knowledge. At the age of fifteen he became 
a clerk in a country store at Beech Grove ; a year later 



MEMOIRS. 7 

he Went to Nashville and became a salesman in a re- 
tail dry goods store, where he remained three years, 
with an annually increasing salary. Chafing under 
a business which was becoming distasteful to him, he 
secured a position in the then wealthy and highly re- 
spected house of Eakin & Co., wholesale merchants, 
of Nashville, with whom he remained for six years. 
He then went to New York City and entered the 
wholesale dry goods house of S. B. Chittenden & Co., 
as a salesman. At that time the New York merchants 
with known anti-slavery proclivities were boycotted 
by Southern customers, but Mr. Moore succeeded, nev- 
ertheless, in bringing to the establishment of Chit- 
tenden & Co. a large Southern trade, and two years 
later, or in 1857, as a consequence, he became a junior 
partner in that prominent firm. 

He had meanwhile discerned the prospective great- 
ness of Memphis, and he determined to cast his lot 
here. Accordingly in 1859 he severed his connection 
with the firm of Chittenden & Co., and established an 
exclusively wholesale dry goods house in this place, 
with Joseph H. Shepherd, formerly of Nashville, as a 
partner, under the firm style of Shepherd & Moore. 
A lucrative trade at once came to this house, but the 
breaking out of the Avar interrupted and seriously em- 
barrassed for a while the business of the firm. Mr. 
Moore although born and reared a Southerner, was an 
open opponent of secession, and this tended still more 
to embarrass the business of his firm. His Union po- 
sition, however, enabled him to obtain unlimited 



8 MEMOIRS. 

credit in New York, and when in 1862 the Federal 
forces occupied Memphis, and free intercourse with 
the commercial metropolis of the nation was resumed, 
Mr. Shepherd dying meantime, the prosperity of the 
house of William R. Moore & Co, revived. Mr. Moore 
invested his Confederate savings largely in real es- 
tate, and thus avoided the losses which came to many 
by reason of investment in floating Southern secur- 
ities. 

Mr. Moore's position on the question of secession 
aroused a feeling of antagonism, which did not at once 
subside at the close of the war, but was for some years 
thereafter a very serious hindrance to him in 
his business. Gradually, however, this feeling wore 
away, his trade extended, and prosperity crowned 
his efforts. In all the vicissitudes of business 
here and elsewhere he has been solvent, and has 
never failed to pay dollar for dollar on his ob- 
ligations. During more than twenty-eight years 
no change has been made in the business or in the 
name and style of the firm. He is owner of the store 
buildings now occupied by his firm, which extend 
through from Main to Second street, 325 feet, five 
stories in height on the former and four on the latter, 
with about two acres of flooring surface. 

Allusion has been made to Mr. Moore's position on 
the question of secession. Prior to the war he had giv- 
en but little attention to political matters, but devoted 
his energies mainly to business. He had no taste for 
partisan politics, but the firm stand which he took in 



ME MO IKS. 9 

opposition to an overwhelming majority of his fellow- 
citizens on the great question which divided the coun- 
try, brought him into a prominence which he had not 
sought. He conscientiously believed that the course 
pursued by the South was wrong, and he was firmly 
loyal to his convictions. He foresaw the ruin seces- 
sion would ultimately bring on the people of the se- 
ceding States, and gave his influence in favor of that 
course which he believed would avert as far as possi- 
"ole the evil consequences of the war. It is hardly 
mecessary to say, for every one can imagine, that the 
position which his convictions compelled him to as- 
sume was an exceedingly painful one. He w^as born 
and reared in the South. His affections and sympa- 
thies were with the people among whom his life had 
been passed, and it grieved him to find himself iso- 
lated from and in opposition to these people ; but he 
believed he was right. In the controversies into 
which his position led him he always refrained from 
personalities. 

Perhaps no better illustration can be given of his 
position than the following communication from him, 
which was published in a Memphis paper— The Argus, 
on the eve of the presidential election in 1864 : 

"Editors Arugus: I am glad to congratulate you upon 
the firm, unequivocal, and dignified position taken by you 
upon the great question of our country's unity. Not that 
I would even dare to intimate that you ever intended to 
occupy any other; but because I have firmly believed that 
the policy and party (democratic) whose claims you have 
urged while ostensibly claiming to be national were in 
reality and practically directly opposite in their tendencies 



lo MEMOIRS. 

to every interest of true nationality. You are now, I think, 
traveling in the great highway toward the accomplishment 
of the nation's greatness and security. As one of her hum- 
blest citizens, I bid you God speed. It is sometimes a 
very difficult matter for even patriots to discard the claims 
of personal friendships and preferences; but their relin- 
quishment in such cases, as at present only proves more 
clearly and forcibly how deep, after all, is the predomi- 
nance of that love of country, which every true man feels 
when free from the passion and prejudice of the hour. 
And by love of country I do not mean an attachment to 
some particular spot, because we may have happened to 
live upon it — as of Mississippi or Massachusetts — ^but an 
abiding love of the whole country; of Maine and Minne- 
sota, of Texas and Florida, and every other foot of Ameri- 
can soil made sacred by our past associations. This is 
what I mean by love of country, and this is the idea 
sought to be secured in the re-election of Mr. Lincoln on 
next Tuesday. There are many good people throughout 
the country who freely admit that there are others whom 
they think better qualified for the position of chief magis- 
trate of the nation than he whose claims we urge. But 
that is not now the question. He is the constitutionally 
chosen executive, and his claims have been properly put 
forth for our suffrages; and believing him to be honest and 
devoted to the main work of restoring the national author- 
ity, while the opposing ticket, if successful, will fritter 
away in useless and vain parleyings with the enemy all 
our present advantages, every patriot must see the sur- 
passing importance of rallying at all costs, around the 
banner of his country, and of frowning forever upon the 
mutinous and wicked spirit of rebellion. When that shall 
have been put down (and it will be done effectually dur- 
ing the incoming administration) it will be time enough 
to adjust side issues. Till then we each and all have a 
great work to perform — a great duty to be done. And in 
this connection I cannot more clearly express my views 
than by quoting from a letter written by me not long since 
upon this subject, in reply to one from a friend in Middle 
Tennessee, who, while being firmly for the Union, still 
oppoees the election of Mr. Lincoln. In that letter, among 
other things I said: 

" 'I have noted very carefully the political allusions to 
the times, which mark a prominent place in your letter, 



MEMOIIiS, II 

and regret to see the mistaken view, as I think, you take, 
of the great questions which absorb the attention of every 
patriot in this and other lands. When four years ago this 
question began to assume the shape it has since taken, I 
hoped that one so humble as myself might live it through 
without the necessity of taking any active participancy in 
the great struggle. The quiet and comparatively obscure 
life I had led furnished me a strong reason for the hope. 
The question, however, has continued, to grow in magni- 
tude, until even ordinary men like myself seemed to be 
forced to take active grounds for or against their country, 
and to show unmistakably whether they wish to maintain 
its nationality or suffer an institution which the Christian 
world condemns, to choke forever the arteries of its be- 
nign existence. I have studied carefully and prayerfully 
for four years, by the lights of reason, conscience, and the 
best educated intellects at my command, and I am to-day 
(however cirucmstances may have led me in the past a 
little to waver, as regarded the wiser course to pursue) I 
am, I say to-day, firmly and conscientiously convinced that 
the duty of every man — at any rate my duty is to support 
that party — I care nothing personally for Mr. Lincoln, Mr. 
Johnson, General McClellan, or any other man — who is 
in favor of putting down treason by the strong arm of 
superior physical force; who is in favor of putting out of 
the way now and forever the only thing which has ever 
been the seriously disturbing element in our national 
family ; of settling for ourselves and those who are to come 
after us, whether there is inherent strength left in a re- 
publican government to enforce the obedience of just laws 
from malcontents who may set themselves up as the 
peculiar talent, virtue and integrity of the world, simply 
on account of ownership in an institution which most of 
the best men of this and other countries have never hesi- 
tated to condemn even while tolerating. I do not under- 
take to justify the individual outrages of this or any other 
administration. I would to heaven that there were ways 
to manage this question so that every man might sleep 
serenely beneath his own vine and fig-tree, with none to 
molest or make him afraid. This, however, in a great war 
like the present cannot be. If I thought the party which 
General McClellan represents was in favor of that policy 
which will most effectually end in honor to the country 
this devastating war, I would certainly favor his election. 



12 BIEMOIES. 

But while I am frank in saying that I believe him to be an 
educat€>d, accomplished patriot, I firmly, at the same time, 
believe that George H. Pendleton and the Chicago "imme- 
diate-cessation-of -hostilities" platform to be cowardly and 
contemptible in the last degree, and certain, should they 
be successful, to end the war in the final and complete 
disintegration of this our glorious country. I there- 
fore heartily oppose them. I am not going to vote for 
men in this contest, but for the representatives of ideas 
and principles. I would prefer were I authorized to make 
the selection, others than Johnson and Lincoln to represent 
those ideas and principles; but it has so happened that 
they have been duly selected. I believe it, therefore, to 
be my patriotic duty to yield them my hearty support. I 
have entered for life upon that contest which is to decide 
whether we are to have one grand, happy, homogeneous, 
and free people, or a multiplicity of miserable, little, bick- 
ering dependencies, built upon the "corner stone of 
slavery.'* It is easy for me to decide between them. You 
speak of the probable election of Mr. Lincoln as likely 
to result in the subjugation of the people and social 
equality of the white and negro races. I am quite sur- 
prised to hear a man of your ordinarily clear and cool 
judgement make such an allusion. The very opposite will 
be the inevitable consequence. No people on which the 
sun ever shown have labored under a greater burden and 
thraldom of public sentiment than the people of the South- 
ern States — yourself and myself among the number — who 
have been forced by the arrogant and imperious demands 
of that all-pervading Southern idea which positively for- 
bade even those of us who mildly disliked the institution, 
to speak, and especially to write against its pernicious in- 
fluences. 

" 'Mr. Lincoln's election will disenthrall every such 
mind, and enable both the friends and enemies of slavery 
to speak and write for or against it, as they may elect to 
do. I never, as you well know, had any disposition to 
touch, or even to have it touched, the institution where it 
exists. I felt that it were far better to bear the ills we had 
than fly to others that we knew not of. But Mr. Davis and 
his sect said no; we will not have the government under 
which we were born, nurtured and kindly protected, rule 
over us; we will establish upon its ruins others — one 
whose "corner stone" shall be slavery. The issue being 



MEMOIRS. 13 

boldly put forward by the insurgents, the adherents to the 
parent government had nothing to do — have now no other 
alternative than to meet with overwhelming forces those 
arrayed against her legitimate authority. But it is clamor- 
ously argued that Mr. Lincoln intends to lower the whites 
to the level of the negroes, and hold the rebellious States 
as conquered and subjugated provinces. I can see no 
necessity for undue alarm on that score. I have no fears 
of negro equality, amalgamation, miscegenation, or any 
other of the thousand and one bugbears put forth by sim- 
pletons who have never sought to look half an inch into 
the great questions of an enlightened political economy. 
After the operation of this great rebellion shall have freed, 
as it surely will, the whole country of this fruitful insti- 
tution, this Pandora box of national ills, the negro will 
soon be jostled by the operation of circumstances into his 
legitimate sphere of subordinate labor and service. If he 
can black >our boots, plow your potatoes, shoe your horse, 
or perform any other needed service more cheaply and bet- 
ter than another, you and I will not hesitate to hire him 
to do it. The negroes, when freed, will not number more 
than they did as slaves. They will understand as well 
then as before their line of duty, and can be employed by 
voluntary effort, as has been practically proved by trial, 
far more profitably than by the old system of enforced 
service. This is perfectly plain. The white man, too, 
will be the gainer. Whenever it shall be thoroughly un- 
derstood that this everlasting question shall have been 
finally and forever settled, intelligent free white labor will 
begin to pour its sparkling streams into our fertile valleys, 
and make our fields and shops and forges resound with 
the music of a thrifty happiness. Our broad acres of rich 
alluvium will yield their whitened annual treasures with 
a freer bounty, and all our mineral mountains will melt 
in shining money their ores of countless value. The pros- 
pects of one great, free, united country is worth fighting 
for. It may cost yet much precious blood and treasure. 
If it cannot be avoided let them be given cheerfully. The 
government of the United States, mangled and bleeding 
as she is, is a great, magnanimous, and noble government. 
She seeks the subjugation of none, save those who seek 
her destruction. She will have obedience to her just laws, 
and may in the execution of a great work like the present, 
occasionally trespass upon the temporary rights of some 



14 MEM01U8. 

of her subjects. She does it not willingly. She will yet, 
I believe, come out of this struggle like gold tried in the 
fire — one great, free, enlightened, magnanimous, and Chris- 
tian nation, whose God is the Lord. And this is the rea- 
son why I support her against any and all opposition. 
Pardon me for thus elaborating upon a theme which grows 
upon me every day.' " 

On receiving the news of Abraham Lincoln's assas- 
sination in April, 1865, Mr. Moore's business prem- 
ises were immediately closed ; the entire front thereof 
was heavily draped in mourning, and over the door 
was placed an inscription, written by himself, as fol- 
lows, viz : 

"The great American heart bleeds of grief, and all civ- 
ilization mourns the lamented dead." 

At an immense mass meeting in Court Square, Mem- 
phis, on the 3d of May, 1865, just after Greneral Lee's 
surrender, Mr. Moore offered the following resolu- 
tions : 

"Resolved, That as native-born citizens of the South, 
who have heretofore and all our lives been closely identi- 
fied with the institution of slavery, nursed in its lap, and 
fed upon its labor, we are nevertheless, regardless of our 
former preferences or prejudices, now fully prepared as 
practical business men, to realize and accept for ourselves 
and for our posterity the system of free labor which has 
been pressed by the unyielding demands of an inevitable 
political necessity upon our whole people. 

"Resolved, That believing this system of labor to be 
the only one which can ever hereafter exist in the United 
States, by the consent of her sovereign people, we do 
hereby pledge ourselves as loyal and law abiding citizens, 
to use our best endeavors to aid by every means in our 
power, in adjusting our new condition to the wants and 
welfare of our whole population. 

"Resolved, That recognizing in the recent surrender of 



MEMOIRS. 15 

the two principal armies of the 'Confederacy,' the final ex- 
tinguishment of all possible hope of success to even the 
most sanguine of its well wishers, and believing that the 
time has now come when every man's own judgment must 
condemn as utterly futile all further persistence in this 
fruitless, foolish, and unavailing strife, we earnestly urge 
upon all persons throughout the country to cease their op- 
position, and come at once to the fold of the old govern- 
ment, which is able to and will protect all those who are 
willing to lend her their allegiance." 

These resolutions were almost unanimously rejected 
amid storms of anger and disapprobation. 

In 1868 he was nominated for the Legislature be- 
cause of his position on the question of merchant's 
taxation. Though he was declared technically 
elected he did not, because of some election irregu- 
larities, consider himself fairly entitled to his seat, 
and on being sworn in at Nashville, he at once 
resigned, refusing to be a candidate at the spe- 
cial election which his resignation necessitated. 

It is due to Mr. Moore to say that, though he was a 
Republican, he was always stronglj^ in favor of the 
enfranchisement and rehabilitation of those who had 
been in arms against the Union. He gave as his plat- 
form, "Reduced taxes, Senter, and suffrage," in his 
political campaign. 

In 1880 he was, without any knowledge of the fact 
that his friends intended to make him a candidate, 
nominated as the representative of his district in the 
Forty-seventh Congress, and was elected after a 
most bitter and angry campaign, over his com- 
petitor, Hon. Casey Young, although the district 



i6 MEMOIFS. 

was strongly Democratic, and every one of the fifteen 
Democratic newspapers in the district (there was then 
as now, no Republican paper in the district) vigor- 
ously opposed him. 

His career in Congress cannot be better understood 
than by a reference to the leading speeches which he 
made. These were a speech on "Chinese immigra- 
tion," in which he advocated the right of all people 
alike to voluntarily become citizens of the United 
States ; on ' ' civil service reform, ' ' in which he claimed 
that appointees should be in sympathy with the views 
of the dominant party; in "the contested election 
case of Lynch against Chalmers," in which he advo- 
cated the seating of Lynch ; on " American shipping, ' ' 
strongly advocating encouragement by the govern- 
ment to the development of an American marine ; on 
"common schools," in which he took the position that 
a national system of even compulsory education 
should be established ; on " Mississippi River improve- 
ment," in which he advocated the policy of keeping 
the great water highways navigable by general gov- 
ernment appropriations. He also strongly urged the 
policy of protecting American industries under any 
and all circumstances. 

On the question of the settlement of the public debt 
of Tennessee, he was earnestly opposed to repudiating 
any just portion of it; and his brief remarks upon 
that subject in the Forty-seventh Congress drew from 
the patriotic press of the country the liveliest eneo- 



MEMOIRS. 17 

miums, the following from the New York Herald of 
February 20, 1883, being an illustration, viz : 

"The country ought to erect another monument in 
Washington of bronze 1,000 feet high, and upon its base 
should be the words, 'Erected to the honor and memory 
of William R. Moore.' Though he came from Tennessee 
he was an honest man." 

Mr. Moore was the author in Forty-seventh Con- 
gress of the following as an amendment to the Consti- 
tution : 

"Congress shall have power to provide by appropriate 
legislation for the legal enforcement of the obligation of 
contracts entered into by any of the States of the Union." 

Mr. Moore has for more tlian forty years been 
closely identified with the business interests of Mem- 
I)his, and has been foremost among the advocates of 
every measure for the improvement of the city. At a 
mass-meeting of citizens held on the Bluff, November 
15, 1879, he offered the following resolutions : 

"Resolved, That a committee of fifteen be appointed 
by the chair to devise and agree upon a plan, in conference 
with the National Board of Health, whereby the citizens 
of Memphis can suggest to the Legislature whatever action 
may be necessary, looking to the improved sanitation of 
Memphis." 

The adoption of this resolution and the appoint- 
ment of the committee thereunder was the initial step 
in the great sanitary improvement of the city, the es- 
tablishment of the sewer system, etc. 

Mr. Moore has been an extensive traveller, both in 
the United States and Europe ; and has thus familiar- 
ized himself thoroughly with the condition of all 
parts, especially of his own country; and this famil- 



i8 MEMOIRS. 

iarity has tended greatly to enlarge his views on ques- 
tions of national policy. 

In February, 1878, he married Miss Charlotte Hay- 
wood Blood, a native of Hamilton, Ont., but for twen- 
ty years previously a resident of Memphis. She is 
the daughter of George H. Blood, esq., of Memphis. 
Mrs. Moore is a woman of extraordinary personal at- 
tractions, intelligence and culture, and is an Episco- 
palian in religion. 

Mr. Moore was brought up in the Presbyterian 
faith, but while recognizing the grand achievements 
of Christianity, and while profoundly respecting the 
conscientious individual opinions of each and every 
other sincere man, of no matter what religious or po- 
litical belief, his continuous study, reading and re- 
search have constantly broadened his own convictions, 
until he has discarded, as too narrow to bind his own 
rule of life, adhesion to any particular sectarian relig- 
ious denomination. 

He has, the rather, long since adopted as his guide 
the golden rule of ' ' Do unto others as you would have 
them do unto you;" and upon this broad and solid 
base, he has chosen to commit the confident hopes of 
his hereafter. 

He desires, rather than the applause of his fellows, 
the silent approbation of his own conscience, and 
wishes at the last no better epitaph to be graven upon 
his tombstone than the six little monosyllables, ''He 
did the best he could."— Keating 's History of Mem- 
phis, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 



RETROSPECT, INTROSPECT. PROSPECT. 

QTANDING on expectation's Monnt today, 

^ And looking back through life's long, devious 

way, 
A thousand treasured memories o 'er us rush 
And thrill us with a deep, oppressive hush. 

We seem to see, with retrospective eye, 
An artless boy, whose hopes e'en then beat high, 
As through the cedar glades he trudged to school 
With stern resolve to shun the Dunce's Stool 
That Teacher Roberts— simple, guileless man- 
Had set in front for lazy boys to scan. 

Ah ! Those were days of innocence and ease. 
When wants were few and Boys not hard to please. 
The days when stage coach drivers blew their horn 
To 'rouse the sleeping postmaster at morn. 
And notify him of the approaching mail 
As down "Lee's Knob" their teams would fairly sail 
With champing bits and foaming nostrils wide, 
Drawing their human freight, worn out with ride. 



22 ODDS AND ENDS. 

To Fosterville— the village of the rocks, 
Cedars and sinkholes— village of hard knocks. 

The village school house, built of cedar logs, 
Between whose cracks might crawl the boys and dogs, 
With Webster's Speller, Pike's Arithmetic, 
And "Rule of Three," (where stupid boys would 

stick) 
And Murray's Grammar— seemed enough to know 
For any modest boy on earth below. 

This good old Teacher taught, and oft' would sing. 
That too much learning was a dangerous thing ; 
And that to read, to cipher and to write. 
Was all boys needed, if not too much quite. 
"These College notions," he would often say, 
' ' Are apt to lead our country boys astray ; ' ' 
And then, to illustrate his sage advice. 
Would to himself refer, ' ' look here, how nice. ' ' 

But that was more than sixty years ago, 
AA^hen Ox carts ruled and all the world went slow ; 
Before steel rails were laid or wires were strung 
That now fill space and talk in every tongue ; 
Before a ' ' Trust ' ' or Millionaire was knoAvn 
Within our temperate, sublunary zone. 



OBBS AND ENDS. 23 

Old Fosterville ! We look back on thee now 
With tender thoughts, and often wonder how 
And why it was that we, together thrown, 
Should ever to the outer world be known. 

We call to mind those far back halcyon days, 
The 'Possum and the 'Coon hunt's joyous ways, 
And all the boys,— they called one "Butting Ram," 
Others, John, Bill and Jim, Steve, Bob and Sam. 

But all are gone, strange things have come to pass. 
These boys are scattered, dead, alack, alas ! 
One of them fought in blue, the others gray, 
But all now sleep in church yards, far away ; 
Their strifes, then fierce with bitter, angry hate, 
No longer live to vex our noble State. 

No matter now, the rushing world goes on. 
Nor heeds, nor recks the myriads who are gone. 
Where then "a hundred thousand" almost stunned, 
"A billion" now seems but a common fund; 
Our Nation then, comparatively weak. 
Stands strong today, ready when called, to speak ; 
And no great move, dare other Nations make 
Until of us they careful counsel take. 



24 ODDS AND ENDS. 

These things may well impress the thoughtful mind, 
And charge the philosophic how to find 
The causes of these marvels— how they came— 
And will proportioned future growth be same? 

But, after all, it may be best that we 

Shall not the future 's far off secrets see ; 

'Twere wise, perhaps, to hug the hai:)py hope 

That all good things will come within our scope, 

If, patiently, we justly bide our time, 

And work and wait, in prose as well as rhyme. 

Judging our progress by the century past, 
We ask ourselves the question, " can it last ^ ' ' 
Yet reasoning fairly from analogy. 
No optimistic mind can fail to see. 
At no far off, remote, or distant date, 
Aerial palaces floating through the State, 
Making their daily landings without jars. 
At all Earth's ports, and e'en, perhaps, at Mars, 

But these things pass our comprehension. Stop 
And let us now these flighty visions drop ; 
Let us return to homely, commonplace. 
And meet our hiun drum duties face to face. 
Let us consider what we each may owe 



0BD8 AND ENDS, 25 

To help the others as we cheerful go 

Along our tortuous journey through this vale, — 

Sometimes, it may be, with a loss of sail. 

Our duties, if we will, are plain and clear, 

' ' The Golden Rule, ' ' should to us all be dear ; 

Its simple teachings point the unerring way. 

Which, daily kept, no man can go astray ; 

Lived up to honestly, no one need fear 

God, man or devil, hereafter nor here. 

Keep out of debt, owe no man anything. 

Then you need envy Potentate nor King ; 

And when the time to lay your burden down 

Comes on apace, you will have earned the crown 

Of honor ; and the music will begin, 

"Well done, thou good and faithful servant, enter in." 

January 10, 1903. 



OUR NAN. 

\kf HEN Nan saw the popcorn, Shetucket 
^ ^ And hid it in her painted tin bucket ; 
Then ma said, "sure's youVe born 
Some one stole my popcorn,— 
But I'll never believe that Nantucket." 



26 ODDS AND ENDS. 

I THOUGHT OF THEE. 

I. 

I N Venice as I sailed along 
■ Her liquid lanes, without a care, 
And heard the sweet Italian song 

Plow soft from throat of gondolier ; 
My thought— wild truant— wandered far 

Beyond and westward of the sea. 
And nestled 'neath the beauteous star 
I named, dear Lottie, once for thee. 



II. 

Again within the palace walls 

Of rich, romantic Miramar, 
Whose frescoed and Mosaic halls 

Resound no more to tread of war ; 
Where poor Carlotta's seen no more, 

And Maximilian's spirii's free, 
Where Adriatic's waves still roar 

And murmur,— there I thought of thee. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 27 



III. 

In Florence, cradle of the arts, 

Mausoleum of history, 
Where Genius has played many parts, 

And many more perchance may be ; 
Where all that painter's brush can do 

Or poet's pen to make men free; 
E'en there the beautiful and true 

Enthralled me, and,— I thought of thee. 



TV. 

And when among the Appenines 

I steamed along above the clouds. 
And revelled 'mid the clambering vines 

With purpling fruitage lowly bowed; 
Majestic, grand as was the view ; 

E 'en perfect though it seemed to be ; 
The mind, yet sought still others too. 

And far up there,— I thought of thee. 



28 ODDS AND ENDS. 



V. 

And in sweet Arno's lovely plain, — 

Through which her beauteous river runs, 
All bending rich with grapes and grain, 

And glowing under softest suns; 
Where stands grim Pisa's leaning tower 

Six hundred years— I marvelled me, 
As, resting on its top an hour, 

In musing mood,— I thought of thee. 

VI. 

At Herculaneum, Pompeii, Rome,— 

Triumvirate of all that's grand, 
Sublime and lofty in the tome 

Of art, engraved by Titan hand ; 
Where six or sixty thousand years 

Lie buried in oblivion's sea. 
With hopes, regrets, joys, treasures, tears. 

Here mute I gazed and — thought of tlieo 



ODDS AND ENDS. 29 



VII. 

On Mount Vesuvius' awful cone. 

Forth belching sulphurous flames from Hell, 
I stood in wonder, dazed, alone, 

With feelings I can never tell; 
And as I gazed, in silence hushed, 

Within this Hell beside the sea, 
A thousand memories o'er me rushed, 

And there, again,— I thought of thee. 

VIII. 

And when today I stood where Paul, 

The great apostle, wrote of old. 
His chief epistle, within call 

Of self-same steps, as I was told 
The Saviour trod at Pilate's bar 

(And reverently, shown to me) 
I sought too for the ''guiding star" 

And lo ! at once,— I thouirht of thee. 



30 ODDS AND ENDS. 



IX. 

And so, on mountain, gulf or plain, 

On river, lake, or widest sea. 
Where 'er I wander, comes a train 

Of memories ever dear to me; 
And calling often in array 

The loving friends I fain would see 
In this strange, far-off land away, 

I breathe thy name, and, —think of thee. 

Rome, Italy, Sunday afternoon, July 4th, 1875. 



TO MY LITTLE ANGEL, M. W. 

\ A /HEN wearj^ of the tiresome toils 
^" Which daily Duty e'er imposes, 
How sweet, forgetting all its broils, 

To breathe her influence,— pure as roses. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 31 



A SUNDAY POEM. 

r\ UR little life is but a span, 
^^ A short step on the way 
That leads to Everlasting Night, 
Or else to Endless day. 

'Tis but a trifling eminence 

Inch high above the grave ; 
A fleeting breath that vanisheth— 

Alas, 'tis all we have. 

And yet, vain fools, we strive and fret, 

As if 'twere ours to keep ; 
We move, forgetting e'en today 

May note our final sleep. 

If, then, our reason teaches this, 

Why should we not prepare 
For what hereafter we would be 

In Earth, or Heaven, or Air? 

We cannot know beyond today, 

No, no, not even that; 
Can only hope that when we're "called," 

We're ready to "stand pat." 



32 ODDS AND ENDS. 

THE FAKIR BOY FROM PLAINS OF ALKALI. 

1896. THEN AND NOW. 1900. 

/^NCE on a time there met a wild convention— 
^^ The time and place 'twere needless here to mention: 
Its delegates were many, multifarious; 
Their characters were honest, doubtful, various. 
They started out to call it "democratic," 
But if it was, 'twas sure the most erratic 
Conglomeration ever got together 
Beneath the sun in torrid July weather. 

Its engineers-in-chief were of secession— 
Men noted for their fight for retrogression; 
Men of the past, famed for their opposition 
To every movement, every proposition 
Looking to progress, national honor, glory. 
Beneath our flag, within our territory. 
They met within the most progressive city 

Of all the world, (and more it is the pity) — 
The place prodigious by a sea unsalted, 
Where Push and Thrift run hand in hand exalted ; 
AVhere no conception that imagination 



ODDS AND ENDS. 33 

Can think or shape, but finds realization; 

Where grow the Fields, the Pullmans and the Palmers, 

The Kohlsaats, Gages, Rockefellers, Armours— 

Within a modern, mighty coliseum. 

And christened it with popudem te deiim. 

Alas for human frailties, that I write it. 

But truth historic says I must indite it. 

The looker-on of that vast seething ocean 
Of human kind without united notion. 
Could not but see and fear foreboding trouble 
From men well known with power to carry double. 
He could but know it was not in the power 
Of that incongruous mass, within their hour, 
To harmonize with principle cold pelf. 
But rather, for pure place exalt mere self. 

Ten thousand men possessed of one conceit- 
To fool each other and the world to cheat — 
When massed together find it not so easy 
^n win their ends— they're apt to become ' 'breezy;'* 
And so it was with this agglomeration 
Of anarchy, deceit, repudiation. 

The ball once opened. Self began to utter 

Her plaintive cries for place and bread and butter ; 



34 ODDS AND ENDS. 

And ere the first day's notes had died away, 
The country looked upon them with dismay. 



The heterogeneous forces soon began 
To show the shallow purpose of the clan, 
And to develop what was feared before,— 
But now so plain that doubt could be no more— 
Namely, to bring our starry flag to shame 
Through policies that patriots blush to name. 

The Altgelds, Pitchfork Tillmans and the Coxeys, 

Together with their kind and all their proxies, 

The Harrises, the Blackburn blatherskites, 

The ''bloody bridles" Waites and the Debsites, 

Had planned their schemes and each had now already 

His loyal forces massed outside and steady. 

To batter down the ranks of the old guards 

Who 'd thought till now they were the nation 's wards. 

But when proceedings fairly had begun, 

The old guards found the Pops had them outdone, 

And of their assets took complete possession, 

Which, howsoever sad, they made confession. 

These are but facts ; I greatly grieve to say it, 
But when we owe a debt, we 'd better pay it ; 



ODDS AND ENDS. 35 

At least this is the lesson taught at school, 
And it is now too late to change the rule. 

But, to be brief as fairness well can make it, 
The "Simon Pures" concluded they would ''shake it," 
And let the Pops direct this wild convention 
Whose wickedness forbids here public mention : 
And so, in deep disgust, the Whitneys, Flowers, 
The Palmers, Hills, Braggs, Bynums rained down 

showers 
Of vengeful wrath and righteous indignation 
That men could stoop to such base degredation; 
And packing up their traps in bourbon dudgeon, 
Each swore he'd not be taken for a gudgeon. 

But so it was, this old guard, urged by anger, 
By no means characterized by lazy languor. 
Shook off the dust and left the place disgusted, 
And published to the world : ' ' Our party 's busted ; 
We'll go to Indiana, start a new one. 
And advertise it as the only true one. ' ' 

Meanwhile, our muse must not forget to mention 
The leading Star of that free-mob convention. 
'Tis never wise to write a thrilling story 
And leave out Him entitled to all the glory ; 



36 ODDS AND END^. 

And therefore will we sing awhile of Bryan, 
The man who had so long been slyly tryin' 
Through secret silver arguments to capture 
The unsuspecting masses, and enrapture 
The simple minds of those uneducated, 
Whose patriotism had been underrated. 

So when the time seemed ripe and all was ready, 
When Pitchfork Tillman had made all unsteady, 
The Fakir Boy, from plains of alkali, 
Was trotted in and told his hand to try. 

Knowing that wind and words were chiefly wanted. 

And that the F^kir Boy had ne'er them scanted. 

They felt he was, of all their train, best suited, 

To blow their silver bazoo so long bruited : 

So when with lung and endless volubility 

He lumbered on with asinine agility 

Until he reached his stolen "cross and crown," 

That was too much ; it brought his hearers down. 

It mattered not that he had not been known. 

It mattered not that he had never shown 

Capacity for even the small affairs of life ; 

He could say words and words could bring on strife ; 

And that, at least, they thought would raise a breeze 

Which they could ride to office on with ease. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 37 

And so they named him as their candidate, 
To occupy the exalted chair of State. 

But not so fast. Although his nomination, 
Through frenzied craze, came on by acclamation, 
The sober second thought soon took possession 
Of thinking minds not moved by such digression, 
And, like the ''greenback craze" of years gone by, 
They said, ''We'll mangle this; it, too, must die; 
This land of Washington, of Lincoln, Grant, 
Must ne 'er dishonored be by fraud and cant ; 
Our flag of stars and stripes, known as ' ' Old Glory, ' ' 
Must float in honor through the ages hoary. 
This heritage, God given, this honored nation 
Must ne 'er through fraud suffer humiliation. ' ' 

No wonder, then, with this determination, 
The Fakir Boy soon saw the situation ; 
And started on a campaign of bold bluster 
With all the silver nonsense he could muster; 
And as he whirled along, noon, night and morning. 
Haranguing ears, bucolic, asleep and yawning, 
He stood a picture, rare, unique and curious. 
Some making happy, others quite as furious ; 
His pocket filled with feet of graveyard rabbit,— 
No tale of Pops but he would eager grab it; 



38 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Believing, in his heart of superstition, 
That heaven had sent him on a special mission 
To wreck the country's credit and her honor 
By loading vile repudiation upon her ; 
Exhibiting a physical endurance, 
A confident, apparent, blind assurance, 
That in six hundred speeches, each like other 
So much that any one was twin to t'other; 
All full of wind and words, and words and wind. 
As rich in froth as gold in fabled Ind,— 
All these, we say, make up a thing to ponder. 
When nothing else we have about to wonder. 

But as with all things, this, too, had an end ; 
The election came, the voters said, "We'll send 
The Fakir back to plains of alkali. 
Where cyclones sweep and mountains skirt the sky ; 
'Tis there he seems best fitted to remain ; 
We would not give him grief or needless pain. ' ' 
His callow years may plead him some excuse ; 
When older grown he may become of use; 
But if, with ripe experience he will not 
Learn wisdom, then his name will surely rot : 
If light and knowledge by him now be spumed, 
And from his late campaign he's nothing learned; 
If he shall lend to Silver Kings his name. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 39 

To tliem exploit at cost of country's shame ; 
If he shall fight to pay them prices double 
For what they grow, there surely will be trouble ; 
And farmers, seeing this, will surely mutiny 
And his ambition kill with damning scrutiny. 

They'll ne'er consent to pay Nevada more 
Than market value for their silver ore, 
Which no more sacred is than grain or cotton- 
Let this stout fact be ne'er lost nor forgotten. 

The products of the mines and of the fields 
Are worth alone but what the market yields. 
And copper, silver, lead, 'tis clear and plain. 
Must bide the rules that govern cotton, grain. 

But let us hope with patient rest, reflection. 
He'll soon recover from his late dejection. 
And that with growing age and observation- 
Sure cures for silly, sanguine expectation— 
The boy will realize his recent follies, 
And turn his back upon his melancholies. 

Defeated by six hundred thousand votes. 

The ponderous, staggering load, he onward totes ; 



40 ODDS AND ENDS. 

And, like the boy beneath the old hay pile, 
Essays to drag it with a sickly smile. 

But hope eternal springs— he yet may learn 

From out the fullness of our life's rich urn, 

The uses of adversity are sweet 

As dainty viands that we long to eat ; 

And the pert boy who by the mule was kicked, 

Though not so fresh, was wiser after licked. 

But, briefly to sum up — returning reason 
Has come again to stay a lengthened season. 
The heated passions of the campaign hour 
Have passed away like fructifying shower; 
And, pondering nightly on their pillows, inly 
The Boy's best friends are glad now 'tis McKinley. 



Four years have passed— four prosperous happy 

years. 
And all the Nations greet us with their cheers : 
Throughout the Earth our flag is honored now, 
All tongues salute it with obeisant bow ; 
In tread of nations we march at the front 
And for the hidden Best we ever hunt; 
Our Credit is the highest known to men,— 



ODD 8 AND ENDS. 41 

What motive can there be to change it then? 
From dullness to well nigh industrial death, 
In wjhich our feverish people held their breathy 
We've come triumphant from the last campaign 
To sit upon ''The Fakir Boy" again. 

The tramps, agrarians, anarchists and all 

The discontented Idlers, great and small. 

Throughout the land have named this wordy King 

Their hollow, airy, empty claims to sing— 

This shiniest fraud of all the pinchbeck gems 

In coronet of Popusilverdems,— 

This bald Itinerant daily begging power 

At modest charge of ''five hundred per hour." 

The last campaign, his song "sixteen to one" 

Proved so disastrous that this windy son 

Determined to adopt another tack 

To bring gold-democrat deserters back. 

And so this "fighting Colonel," cap-a-pie 

Caparisoned as he was wont to be, 

With spurs and feathers, plunged into the war 

That he might after tell he had been there. 

He shrunk from thought of Spaniard e'er to kill 
But hoped it might his balloon fame help fill : 



42 0DD8 AND ENDS. 

He had no purpose to attack the foe, 
But merely into ' ' dress parade " to go : 
And so, when sunny Florida was reached. 
He could not see why he should be impeached 
Were he to "shake" his regimental braves 
And seek again his popudemic caves. 

'Twas thus this patriot, ( ?) eloquent and true. 

Decided promptly what he'd better do: 

He'd doff his Colonel's uniform, and pose 

As soldier, statesman,— either "these" or " those, "- 

Besides— "five hundred" for an hour's work 

As statesman, justified a soldier's shirk. 

But, reader, do not think this man of blood — 
This Colonel brave, whose better name is "mud," 
Would ' ' go back ' ' on his army record now, 
For if he did, vile shame would brand his brow. 

'Tis true he fired no gun to Cuba free 
But talked for it at every champagne tea ; 
And begged his friends results to ratify. 
Which but for that ' ' the Treaty ' ' sure must die. 

Now comes another humorous, funny tale. 
Which to excite broad guffaws cannot fail, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 43 

' ' The Fakir Boy ' ' being in an ugly hole 
Thrown by himself, appears exceeding droll ; 
He talks ** Imperialism" day by day, 
Forgetting that but for his single say 
The Spanish Treaty would not now exist, 
And if *tis wrong his name should now be hissed. 

"Imperialism" has a far oft sound, 

In which all real issues might be drowned 

If popudems could have their freakish way; 

But, fortunately, others too have say. 

The solid citizens of this good land 

Are not misled, but clearly understand 

The term is pressed to hide the real thing 

Which, to the masses, their best blessings bring. 



There's only one "Imperialist" in the land, 
And he much needs the thing the boys call ' ' sand 
If talk is wanted he shines like a rocket 
And totes his pie-bald party in his pocket. 



> J 



At Kansas City, in the Pop Convention, 
One single name alone had public mention ; 
And though "sixteen to one" was badly battered, 
And though it had few friends, and they much scat- 
tered, 



44 ODDS AND ENDS. 

This Emperor boldly summoned all his clan 
And said, "sixteen to one"— I am the man— 
Your master, and shall dictate what you do,— 
Write that in platform, if you know ' ' who 's who. ' ' 

Obsequious to this Emperor, this Czar, 
His minions crouched, but wrote the sentence there- 
with heavy hearts then left, each, for his home, 
And sadly broke up this mid Popodrome. 
And since that day no friend has silver seen— 
From ' ' Fakir Boy ' ' to lowest layman green. 

If querists ask ' ' would you in silver pay 
The bonds that might be offered day by day ? ' ' 
The "Fakir Boy" in sullen mood replies 
" I '11 answer that when seems good in my eyes. ' ' 

But Cynic Schurz, of whilom goldbug fame,— 

Grown now insensible to public shame,— 

Steps nimbly up and volunteers to say 

The danger's past, "that dog has had his day." 

E 'en should existing law permit such thing 

'Twere easy for the Congress in to bring 

A bill preventing, ere next fourth of March, 

And thus from out "the Boy" to "take the starch." 

But he has ' ' flopped ' ' so oft in his career 



ODDS AND ENDS. 45 

That no one has respect for him or fear ; 
And since from Germany he ran away, 
The poor man has not had a happy day. 

''The Fakir Boy" at every step he goes, 
Gives ''aid and comfort" to our Tagal foes; 
And Noah Webster says that this is "treason," 
Regardless of this Sophist's flimsy reason: 

What! candidate for President a TRAITOR? 
It is enough to shock the great Creator. 

Amazing, then, that he could ask support 
From those who bear our flag and man our forts. 

To sum up all,— when men are doing well 
Wliy seek a change ? Will some wiseacre tell 1 
Since policy of our government was changed,— 
Since Tariff laws and money each were ranged 
Along new lines, we all can truly say 
Prosperity has sped along our way. 

The dollars that we use are based on gold, 
The sum, per capita, the people hold 
Is greater than was ever known before : 
Why strike out, then, upon a desert shore ? 



ODDS AND ENDS. 

Let Boutwell, Atkinson and Altgeld brothers 
Flee to the Mount of Hepsidam with others : 
Let all the patriots raise their voices high 
And down ''the Fakir Boy from plains of Alkali." 

Let him and his ''go 'way back and sit down" 
Amid bucolic scenes far from the town; 
Let him inhale his chill Nebraska zephyrs 
And milk his own "five hundred dollar heifers;" 
Let him his "Commonest Weakly" print and push, 
And stuff its verdant readers with the slush. 
Like C'ther comedies of harmless rot, 
It has its day, and then is e 'er forgot. 

Content, the "Weakly Commonest" to run, 
Let Him-- this flint-lock, smoothbore, harmless Gun, 
In quiet breathe Nevada's cyclone zephyrs, 
And milk his OAvn five hundred dollar Heifers. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 47 



THE EDITOR AND THE CORRESPONDENT. 

I I E who directs the managerial pen 

' * Of a great journal, owes it, now and then, 

To the dear Public it would daily reach, 

The duty to be taught as well as teach; 

And may, with profit, ply the homely rule 

"The wise may sometimes learn from e'en the fool." 

Both Editor and Public have their parts, 

Each may offend or please by fits and starts, 

Each thinks the other sometimes right or wrong,— 

No matter which, 'tis always same old song : 

But whether right or wrong,— how better far 

For each, between themselves to place no bar 

To obstruct the small sweet courtesies that should play 

In cultivated life from day to day. 

It may have been, a thousand years ago, 

The savage custom to give cut for blow ; 

But times have changed,— the bludgeons and the 

swords 
We'd now supplant by polished, courteous words. 



48 ODDS AND ENDS. 

If, as 'tis said, Truth lies betwixt the extremes. 
An able, honest, courteous press, it seems. 
The most effective vehicle to use 
To scatter and to spread it where we choose. 

An independent press we would defend 
(Perhaps the greatest power, in the end, 
Tf fairly used) but if its columns be 
Locked up against a swelling, surging sea,— 
Closed tight against a firm, dissenting thought,— 
If they for filthy lucre can be bought— 
(As has occurred in times now past and gone) 
Then were, indeed, our liberties undone. 

But ours are lines cast in these halcyon days,— 
We proudly boast of better, happier ways ; 
We have our little bickerings and our spats 
That end, at last, in merely harmless chats. 
The editors their correspondents fight, 
And correspondents hurl back with their might ; 
Each fumes and frets, and vainly thinks he 

thinks, . 
Then both retire and hobnob o 'er " the drinks. ' ' 



ODDS AND ENDS. 49 

TO A PRETTY LITTLE HYPOCHONDRIAC 

(Who was complaining of having more than her share of trouble) . 



SURPRISED I am, sweet girl, 
That thou with joys like thine hast sorrows 
blended ; 
For Heaven did never send 

Perplexing cares upon thee unattended. 



Adown the fitful stream 

Of life 's eventful yet precarious winding, 
'Twill doubtless sometimes seem 

That thou hast ample reasons for repining; 
But thou 'It be happy yet, 

Despite the envious elements around thee; 
Thy troubles thou 'It forget 

When Love and Friendship's chords have firmly 
bound thee. 

Then cheer up, never sadden ; 

The darkened Future sure hath joys in store 
Thy timid heart to gladden, 

To make thee happy, blest, forevermore. 



50 ODDS AND ENDS. 



HISTORICAL, ALLEGORICAL, 
METAPHORICAL. 



Suggested by failure of Tennessee to ir;ake an exhibit at the Chicago 
Centennial World's Fair, 1893. 



11 ISTORIC pages tell us of a State 

■ * Whose people and whose prowess made her great 
Whether of ancient or of modern time 
Is not important in our present rhyme. 

The God of Nature, bounteous and benign, 
Had on her 'scutcheon 'graved the golden sign ; 
Had generously dispensed sunshine and rains 
Upon her hills, her valleys and her plains, 
Had buried in her mountains wealth untold. 
And wisely blended temperate heat and cold; 
Had planted forests that would furnish ships 
For all the continents— each ten thousand trips; 
A land of animals, of birds, of flowei's. 
Of luscious fruits and fructifying showers; 
A land of noble men and women fair, 
A land where liberty rides on the air ; 



ODDS AND ENDS. 51 

A land of milk and lioney— land of dreams, 

Land watered with pellucid, sparkling streams; 

A land where plenty smiles on patient toil, 

AVhether in bank, in workshop or in soil : 

A land of fertile soil, deep, rich and rotten, 

A land of live stock, grain, tobacco, cotton; 

A land of marble, minerals, iron, copper, 

A land whose progress, ciirs 'd be he who 'd stop her ; 

A land whose people were supremely blest— 

The land, perhaps, of all the world the best. 

This goodly land, like all things else on earth, 
Had, too, some little things of trifling worth. 
For whether we measure merchandise or men, 
Each has a value, fixed by mortal ken. 



As rumbling rolled the wheels of time along, 
There came a day when nations, in a throng. 
Seized hold upon the car of progress grand, 
To load it with their stores and "show their hand' 
In famed Beyonda— wonder of the earth — 
Prodigious city of a full-orbed birth. 



52 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Kings, queens and czars their gates wide open threw, 
And vied with zeal to try which most could do 
In strengthening peace, developing the arts; 
Cementing brotherhood 'tween distant parts 
Of North and South, and those that might be sent— 
Whether from Occident or orient- 
To strive for mastery in device or skill, 
in literature, in science, or what you will. 



The occasion came. The genius of the world 
Assembled in one grand and mazy whirl, 
The German, Frenchman, Russian and the Turk, 
Had each ' ' put in ' ' the proudest of his work ; 
The sturdy Englishman, stolid and slow,— 
But finally getting in there, "don't you know:" 
Asiatic millions sent their pigtails, too. 
While Afric 's sons joined in the grand bazoo ; 
Atlantic and Pacific joined in glee 
To welcome each their farthest sister sea; 
The world, in short, with friendly zeal inspired; 
Were in Beyonda— in best robes attired. 



Now let the dance proceed— joy unconfined— 



ODDS AND ENDS. 53 

The World of Peace were in a happy inind ; 
Let but the Nation's Chief the button press- 
Was this a thing of life ? all answered yes, 



A hermit, lonesome, all unused to mirth. 
Had lived apart, secluded, on the earth, 
Hearing, by accident, of this '\vondrous show, 
Could not resist the impulse now to go ; 
And with an idle, though a curious pen, 
Jot down his thoughts of things as well as men. 

So, starting on his thronged and winding way — 
Each view inviting more prolonging stay- 
Ten hundred thousand wonders met his eye. 
Culled from far quarters of the earth, sea, sky. 
The mansions built and owned by each great state 
Were ranged in lines of beauty round the gate. 
With architectural skill, in grand designs, 
iVnd built of costliest marble, stone and pines. 
Their furnishings and the draperies of their rooms. 
Were chosesn from selectest, costliest looms. 
And everything that art and skill suggest 
AA^ere placed within to tempt the stranger's rest. 



54 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Yet, s«d to say, like all things here below, 

A sing:le blot did mar this beautious show. 

Within a space, left vacant to be filled, 

There grew rank weeds, a garden, all untiiled, 

Upon it stretched a patched and grimy tent, 

Forbidding, dark, repulsive and much rent. 

Its keeper seemed ashamed, as if to say, 

"Who would hold up his head should keep away :'^ 

This spot, intended to be beautified, 

Was left untouched because its owner died; 

Not that his mortal part lies underground, 

But that his public "spirit" can't be found. 



True, that a few staunch friends, now deeply hurt, 

Friends ever faithful, active and alert. 

Have thought to make some honest, poor amends. 

By raising funds to carry out these ends : 

But what can single efforts, single action do, 

Where great States are concerned, and nations too? 

What use for individual tax to raise. 

And gain contempt, instead of honest praise, 

By giving that, which to each man though large, 

Would, to the State, be but a trifling charge, 

By imdertaking what would surely, by 

Comparison, make every giver sigh? 



ODDS AND ENDS. 55 

Thus saying, the hermit went his quiet way, 
Reflecting an the events of the day ; 
And wondering if 'twere possible to find 
In all this favored land a State so blind. 

Moral. ;, 

The nettle gently touched may cause a sting. 
But grasp it firmly, 'tis a harmless thing. 



56 ODD^ AND ENDS 



TO MISS M. B. 

I ONCE knew an elegant, reigning goung Belle, 
' Whose name and whose home it were needless to 

tell; 
Suffice it to say she was all that I write, 
And much else beside,— charming, lovely and bright. 

This Belle was peculiar, — had views of her own, 
As you '11 see by the rythmical lines herein shown : 
She did not like letters,— I 've seen such before, 
And good grounds they had, very often, I 'm sure. 
But then as to music, and flowers and fun, 
Few, few could excel her, perhaps, indeed, none ; 
And with softly-brown, lazily-languishing eyes, 
She seemed near-related to one from the skies. 

Yet with all her simplicity, modesty, grace. 

The tell-tale young mischief would speak through her 

face; 
And though true to her friends as the needle to pole, 
'Twas not until first they'd enlisted her soul. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 57 

With a coy, and a quiet, though coquettish air, 
She made all her beaux think the weather was fair; 
And though hundreds took voyage with fair-seeming 

sail, 
Not one blessed rascal e'er weathered the gale. 

Moral. 

Now all you gay voyagers thinking to sail, 
Beware of this ''naughty-cal." floating female. 
And before you take voyage, be certain to see 
That you're fully insured, for if wrecked, blame not 
me. 



58 ODDS AND ENDS. 

APOSTROPHE. 

To Whiskey. 

/^H demon Whiskey, favorite child of Hell, 
^ The ruin thou hast wrought, no pen can tell ; 
The Stinging Viper coils in thy embrace 
And poisons, blears and bloats the eyes and face. 

This hated tempter with his gloating grin, 
Steals slyly up and thrusts his presence in, 
Then slinks away into his Devil's den 
To note his victim's certain death— and when? 

He comes not at you like an open foe, 
But sings the songs he thinks you 'd like to know ; 
In grassy meadows he e'er leads the way 
And, all unconscious, thus you 're led astray. 

As listless lovers on a moon light sail 
Above Niagara,— heeding not the gale. 
Are draAvn into the swirling current's din 
Until the dashing ''Rapids" they are in. 
So whiskey's victims revel on purblind 
Until they wake at last themselves to find 
Plunged o'er ''The Falls" into the Hell below— 
And ending in unutterable woe. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 59 



POLITICAL POLLIWOGS. 



Respectfully dedlotted to William McKinley, President 
of the United States. 



/^UR home-made Tagals, in and out of season, 
^^ Are daily mouthing odious hateful treason ; 
They scout '^Expansion" as if we'd not expanded, 
And stab their government with malice bloody handed. 

That they 're not promptly punished only shows 

The nation's leniency to local foes. 

Good patriots all should down the demagogues 

Who*re plotting mischief with these Tagalogs,— 

Political, pestiferous poUiwogs, 

Whose head machines are run with broken cogs. 

The people's patience yet, 'erstrained, may break. 
And treasonous knees might then be made to shake ; 
The Atkinsons, the Masons and the others,— 
The cynic Schurz, with Bryan and their brothers, 
Were wise if in their troubled minds they'd fix 
The ringing words of brave old General Dix,— 
''If any man, official or what not. 
Haul down the flag, then shoot him on the spot" 



6o 0BD8 AND ENDS. 

''GOOD TIMES ACOMIN'." 

By Rev. Ole Uncle Sciplo, at beginning of the late Spanish War. 

lUl ARSE Sampson churned de ocean blue 
' ' A lookin' fur he dunno who ; 
Prom Habana to Martinique 
Lo 'd how he make dem big guns speak. 

Dey said de Spanish gone to Cadiz— 
If he cotch dem dey 11 go to Hades— 
And dar dey 11 think de wedder cool 
To what dey felt on dis footstool. 

Ole Massa Dewey beat 'em all, 
He run 'em down an ' make 'em small ; 
An' in Maniller now dey pray — 
''Lo'd take Marse Dewey clean away." 

But jes' you wait for ole Marse Lee, 
He'll show you somethin' wo'th to see; 
An' when his "corn-fed" boys sing out, 
Dem Spaniards dey '11 go up de spout. 

Sich times hab neber yet been seed. 
As sho' will come when Cuba's freed; 



ODDS AND ENDS. 6i 

Dis niggah'll shout in loud hosannas, 
"Fi' cents a duz fur fat bernanas." 

Wid watermillions cent a piece, 
De trade will run as slick as grease; 
Den add de gov'ment pensions too, 
An' we'll have no mo' wuk to do. 

I neber tho't to see dis day— 

But let us gib de Lo 'd his way ; 

He knows it all— we'll take his 'vice, 

(Altho' he's fooled me once or twice.) 

Wid Miles, Joe Wheeler, Fitzhugh Lee, 
Togedder is a sight to see, 
''Ole Glory" in de lead we say— 
My brederin', sistern, let us pray. 



TO ALICE, FROM WILLIAM. 

In answer to request for a pun on these names. 

447V LL ICE," until melted, is flinty and cold, 

'^ All hearts that be honest are fearless and bold, 
All friendships of value and like to endure, 
"Will-i-am" persuaded remain warm and pure. 



62 ODDS AND ENDS. 



''MY LITTLE COQUETTE." 

To Miss L. T. 

?T^WAS at a card-party I met her, 
* We all round the table were set, 

She said that she thought T could get her, 
But said I little ' ' smarty ' ' not yet. 

I escorted her home from the party. 
That night I shall never forget. 

Her manners were earnest and hearty, 
Yet they all showed "the little coquette." 

I called on and took her a riding, 
She said she was her papa's pet; 

Said I you seem very confiding. 

Do you think as you did when we met? 

That evening we thus spent together, 
I thought not of dry or of wet. 

Till I found myself tied as with leather, 
To this bright, little, flirting coquette. 

She promised to marry and love me. 
She was "poking" her fun you can bet. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 63 

For as the bright stars shine above me, 
Twas a ruse of ''the little coquette." 

Now all you young men under thirty, 

A lesson allow me to set ; 
Don 't ' ' engage " to a woman who 's ' ' flirty, ' ' 

Till you think of "the little coquette." 



TO MISS B. N. 

In after life should troubles lower. 

And griefs be piled up mountain high, 

I '11 turn me back to this bright hour. 
And dream of pleasure with a sigh. 

And should rough winds blow cold and chill 

Upon a spirit proud, yet free, 
I '11 cling with an unyielding will 

To those sweet joys I've shared with thee. 

And memory, with her latest breath. 
Will fondly whisper near thy side. 

How much she loved thee e'en in death, 
And wished to clasp thee as her bride. 



64 ODDS AND ENDS. 



GOODBYE, OLD YEAR, 

GOODBYE, 
Hand locked in hand together, 
We've trudged along 

Through sleet and summer weather; 
Now, thou art gone ! 

AVeVe no resources other 
Than to make pleasant terms 
With thy young, lusty brother. 

Goodbye, Old Year, Goodbye. 

Goodbye, Old Year, and when. 

Hereafter, all thy books are posted; — 
The bad forgotten, 

And the good deeds toasted ; 
May each and all 

Of Ninteen Hundred One, 
Rest-pardoned sins,— 

Their righteous verdict writ— Well Done. 
Goodbye, Old Year, Goodbye. 







ODDS AND ENDS. 65 

TO MISS M. W. 

On her birthday. 

NE rosy morn in May when all was joy, 
Old Nature woke in buoyant, radiant mood : 
Let's make, quoth he, one gem without alloy,-— 
'Twas done, and sweetly christened Mary Wood. 

KALAMAZOO. 

TV TESTY old banker I knew, 

'^ Got angry and mad ' ' through and through ; ' ' 

He would rip, rant and fuss, 

He would quarrel and cuss, 
And damn out the whole household crew. 

There was nothing on earth suited him; 
He seemed to have only one whim ; 

And that was to "blow" 

About ''building," you know,— 
But the prospect for "building" was slim. 

He hated the sweet singing birds; 
And for them could never find words 
To express his disdaiia; 



66 ODDS AND ENDS. 

But to make it more plain 
Would throw shoes till the blood almost curds. 

He seemed not to know what to do, 
When he found himself minus one shoe ; 

So with true German grit 

He concluded to quit 
And betake him to ' ' Kalamazoo. ' ' 

Some day when he's older than now 
He will wonder the why and the how 

He could ever have ''lost" 

His grim head at such cost;— 
But, no matter, to fate he must bow. 

In his palace he threatens to build. 
On his beautiful lot— when 'tis filled ; 

He can fashion a room 

And nurse daily his boom 
Till his amiable life has been stilled. 

And when he lies down at the last, 
To dream of his ills then off cast ; 

May he find the lost shoe 

And march on in it too, 
To the haven where troublejs are past. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 67 



THE STARS AND STRIPES. 
Who Will Haul It Down? 

Respectfully Dedicated to the Rev. Dr. N. M. Long. 

"TV ND is it sol How can it be, 
'^ A preacher of Christianity 
Would have the flag of liberty,— 
The flag of Freedom, Common Schools, 
The flag where justice reigns and rules. 
The holy flag our Fathers won. 
The flag of Jackson, Washington, 
The flag of Lincoln, Grant and Lee 
Hauled down? No, no, it shall not be, 
It shall not be. 

Can it be possible to-day 

That men set up to lead the way 

Of truth and righteousness, can say, 

In frozen type, 

Haul down our flag? 

The flag that waved o'er Bunker Hill, 

That sends a patriotic thrill 



68 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Wherever Freedom reigns?— 
The banner without stains? 

The flag shall NOT be furled, 
'Tis the noblest of the world ; 
It makes all Tj^rants quake, 
And monarchs' thrones to shake; 
It would make all men free 
In the coming time to be, 
On land and on the sea. 

No statesman's forethought planned the scheme 

To float o 'er the far-off Isles ; 

'Twas human destiny, 'twould seem. 

And providential smiles : 

Just as it was in our great strife 

When slavery was slain. 

So, in the coming century's life 

It may come once again. 

To him who says we are to blame, 
Let every patriot cry shame, shame. 

No, no, we are not to blame, 
But Godlike is our aim; 



ODDS AND ENDS. 69 

We wage war not to enslave, 

But Liberty to save : 

We'd spread throughout the Islands of the seas 

"the healing influence of the Prince of Peace. 

The pen that wrote ' ' pull that soiled banner 

down 
And trail it humbly in the dust," 
Should canker in its coppery ink, 
Until the hateful sentiment shall stink. 
And in oblivion forever drown, — 
As verily we think it must 
Until old time itself shall age and rust. 

The war in which we fight 

Is one of spotless right. 

No sordid motives urged us to the task; 
The only question of ourselves we asked, 
Was, does our solemn duty call to arms 1 
Will conscience warrant heed to these alarms^ 

Affirmatively answered, then we said 

We will avenge four hund: 3d thousand dead 

Reconcentrados in the Cuban Isle 

Who have been and are starvinsr now the while. 



70 OVDS AND ENDS. 

We sent our peaceful Maine 

Without a hope of gain, 

Upon a friendly mission with supplies 

To succor starving poor ; 
Back in our face they slammed the hostile door 
And answered,— to our horror and surprise,— 
With dynamite and death to ship and men ;— 
Ah, who would say we should do nothing then ? 

What could we do ? " Oh pull it down ' ' 

Says one who ought to know 

He has no solid ground for saying so ; 

And when he writes the chilling words, 
''Oh pull that unjust banner down," 

The blood of patriots almost curds, 
And justice answers with an angry frown. 

We will not haul it down— 

Xo, no, 'tis there to stay; 

We are not sucklings ; 'tis our way 
To ponder well* before we raise our banner. 
And e'er do so in just and lawful manner; 

'J'he Philippines are ours by right as just 
(And keep we shall and must) 



OBBS AND ENDS. li 

As any e'er obtained: 

It is not stained 

By any drop of ' ' clotted blood 

Of man who looked to it for good. ' ' 

Our title is as clear, unsullied, clean, 
As sunshine 's purest golden sheen ; 
Our flag shall not come down- 
Shall not come down. 

The Nation, (like the man) that fails to move 
Along the lines of progress day by day, 
Will soon awake, enchained within the groove 
That leads to certain and to swift decay; — 
We must move on, it is not that we ' ' may ' ' ; 
And when we plant our flag, we plant to stay. 

Now who will haul it down % 

It shall not down. 

No, no, it shall not down. 



February, 1899, 



72 ODDS AND ENDS. 



A TOAST TO THE LADIES. 

I 1 ERE'S to the Ladies,— Heaven bless tlieir souls,- 
* * They play the chief parts in Creation 's roles ; 
No matter what the prize, they're in the play. 
And always win the final, parting say. 

Of inconsistent things they are the most,— 
Today all sunshine, — tomorrow a hoar frost: 
Their chattering, chirping tongues are never still ; 
And when they say they won't they mean they will. 
If Satan goes a-gunning for big game. 
He's sure to make some comely belle or dame 
His agent,— knowing well her cunning wiles 
Are apt to trap his victim with her smiles. 

And yet for them. Lords to perdition run. 
And scratch their fingers off from sun to sun ; 
They coddle and bamboozle us every day, 
And for the fun, we villains love to pay. 



ODD^ AND ENDS. 73 

THAT'S SO. 

(To Miss E.) 

I 'M in love with a charming young lady, 
' But of this I '11 say nothing to you ; 
Such matters were better kept ' ' shady, ' ' 
Till you're certain she's honest and true— 

"That's so." 

Should you tell her you love her, too, truly. 
She would turn from you soon in disgust. 

And very soon get so ' ' unruly ' ' 

That she'd "kick up" a nice little "dust"— 

"That's so." 

The best way,— they tell me,— to woo them, 
Is to keep them in fear and in doubt ; 

But having no wish to "undo" them, 
I'll never, no, "let the cat out"— 

"That's so." 

Of one thing, however, I 'm certain, 
My sweetheart's a charming young girl. 



74 ODDS AND ENDS. 

And when we sit screened by her curtain, 
I kiss her and toy with her curl— 

"That's so." 



The next time I pay her a visit, 

She has promised to close ' ' the affair ; ' ' 

Then think what sweet joys— oh! exquisite,— 
Will be those of this new-married pair — 

"That's so." 



A TRUE WOMAN,-AVHAT IS SHE? 

TV BEING gentle, soft and full of cheer, 
' *■ Dispensing smiles and blessings everywhere, 
Inciting Lords (so-called) to deeds of fame, 
And lifting fallen man from sin and shame, 
A beacon light to erring masculinity. 
His Polar Star, his Angel, his Divinity. 



0DV8 AND ENDS. 75 

OLD UNCLE NICODEMUS AND HIS COON DOGS 

1 

/^ LD LTncle Nicodemus was 

^^ A pious cullud marx, 

Who lived down South in Dixie 

In good old Dixie's Ian', 
He would run de night pra'r meetin's, whar 

He used to raise de tunes, 
An' from dar he'd go a huntin' for 

De possums and de coons. 



No matter what de darkness was, 

Old Nick was neber fooled. 
For it was an occupation, dat, 

In which he had been schooled ; 
He knowed all kinds of varmints, too, 

Dat nightly roam and prowl, 
An' could tell a plump spring chicken from 

De ugly screechin' owl. 



76 ODDS AND ENDS. 



Old Nick, he had three coon dogs, 

Dc bes' de country roun', 
Named ' ' Shaggy Jack, ' ' and ' ' Spotted Bose, ' ' 

An ' ' ' Howler, ' ' measly brown ; 
An' when you'd hear old Howler yelp, 

You 'd know de coon was dar, 
For Howler was an' hones' dog 

Dat always toted fa 'r. 



De dispositions ob dese dogs 

Was mighty like some men; 
Jack, he would wag his tail, an' whine. 

An' smile, an' grin, 'an den. 
Would snap you in de calf o' leg 

Whenober you'd turn roun'— 
An' yet he was a useful dog 

Ef watched an' kep' sot down. 



0BD8 AND ENDS. 77 



Now Bose lie was a diffe'nt dog 

An' mighty hard to match; 
He'd run up to a hollow log, 

An' smell, an' bark, an' scratch; 
An' when you thought de coon was dar, 

Dat dog would run away,— 
An' fool you jes' as slick as some 

Smart men I knows to-day. 



Old Howler was de only dog 

I put my 'pendence in ; 
He wasn't very purty,— he 

Was long, an ' lank, an ' thin ; 
But if eber good dogs goes to heben, 

Old Howler will git dar ;— 
Leastways, it is my daily wish 

As well as nightly pra'r. 



78 ODDS AND ENDS. 



One col', col' night, long years ago, 

I neber shall f or git,— 
Pete Jones, Sam Billins an' old Nick 

Got mighty nigh fros' bit; 
Dem dogs was yelp in' in de woods, 

An' when 'we went to see— 
Dey had a big fat possum up 

In dat old 'simmon tree. 

8 

We cotched dat possum, took him home, 

An' cooked him in de pot, 
Wid gravy an' sweet tater yams 

All steamin', rich an' hot; 
An' den we called de nabors in 

An' had a merry feast, 
An' eben unto dis good day 

Dey 'members dat ar beast. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 79 



A venerable man was Nick, 

With wool of silver gray; 
With shuffling but persistent gait 

Dat ' ' got dar ' ' ebery day ; 
An' Uncle Nick knowed all de boys, 

An' all de boys knowed Nick, 
An' had for him a friendship dat 

Was mighty sho' to stick. 

10 

Now Nick was full of reverence 

For sacred things an' sich, 
He loved de Lo 'd an ' sung his praise, 

But neber could get rich; 
He was mighty po' in money, but 

Was roUin' rich in faith, 
An' put his whole dependence in 

De words, ' ' thus the Lord sayeth. ' ' 



8o ODDS AND ENDS. 



11 



If Nicodemus had a want, 

His habit was to pray, 
An' ask his master in de sky, 

To tell him what to say ; 
An' so at last he grew to f.eel 

Dat all could be obtained 
If only he would ask in faith,— 

Unwavering, unrestrained. 

12 

One day in springtime Uncle Nick 

Began to feel quite ''off," 
He thought he had de roometics, 

Nooralgy an' a cough; 
And, diagnosing for himself, 

Prescrit)ed spring chicken, fried 
An' prayed de Lamb to send it to 

His chile for whom he died. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 8i 



13 

Now having offered up his pra'r, 

He laid him down resigned, 
And duly waited till de Lo'd 

Might feel himself inclined 
To send his faithful Nieodemus, 

" Poolay "plump and fat, 
To ease his pains, sate appetite, 

Digestion an' all dat. 



14 



A few days passed, no answer came. 

What could de matter be? 
Perhaps de Lo'd was "not at home," 

Old Nick would sen' and see; 
And humbly on his knees once mo,' 

De good old man went down. 
To "rastle" wid de Lo'd above. 

And pray away his frown. 



82 ODDS AND ENDS 



15 

A second and a third day passed, 

No chicken came to Nick, 
De old man's stomach 'gan to feel 

A "goneness/' sorter sick; 
An' cogitatin' to himself 

A hallelooya song, 
I don't know what's de matter wid de Lo'd,- 

Dar's somethin' wronjjf. 



16 

De pra'rs I sent him for de chick, 

Appeared to me all right, 
But somehow it seems mighty long 

Since las' week's Sunday night; 
I asked de Lo'd to sen' to me de chicken,- 

Dat was wrong— 
I might ha ' knowed dat words like dese, 

Was 'tirely too strong. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 83 



17 

An' on de second thought I said, 

I'll change my fo'm of pra'r, 
An' 'stead of askin' him to sen' 

De chicken— sen' me dar; 
So bress de Lord, when dis was done, 

Befo' de break 0' day. 
Old Nick had on his cookin' stove 

A juicy, fat ^'poulay." 

Moral. 

Now all you foolish niggers hear, 

Take lessons from dis tale, 
Don't ask de Lo'd to sen' you things, 

Or you perchance may fail; 
If you would have your wants supplied, 

Go arter dem yourself. 
For 'tis de only way to heap 

Rich treasures on your shelf. 



84 0DD8 AND ENDS. 



VALENTINE. 



Written for Mr. R., at his request, to send his sweetheart 
on Valentine's Day, 1863. 



Tli S the custom is old, 

*^ Pray think me not bold, 

If I send you this short valentine; 
And if it seem dry, 
' ' It is all in my eye, ' ' 

Don't presume for a moment 'tis mine. 

In these troublesome times, 
The making of rhymes 

Is a business, I know, rather small; 
But, believe me, 'tis true. 
That I love none but you, 

And will speak though it cost me a fall. 

I have loved, oh ! how long, 
With a passion as strong 

As e'er filled a swain's troubled breast. 



0BB8 AND ENDS. 85 

And tlioiigh I ne'er told it. 
It has pained me to hold it, 

And well nigh deprived me of rest. 



Since I thus to you speak, 

You must have "a bold cheek" 

To refuse, if I ask you to wed me; 
And will e 'er rue the day, 
I beg pardon to say. 

That to "court" you, young Cupid has led me. 

But else, (which I hope) 
If the portals you'll ope, 

Of a heart filled, I 'm sure, with affection ; 
Then, in that case, I '11 feel 
That your bosom's not steel, 

But of metal of softer complexion. 

And now that that day 
May be not far away, 

Is the dream of my happiest hour ; 
For when it shall come, 
It will bring the whole sum, — 

All the joys that dame Fortune can shower. 



86 ODDS AND ENDS. 

But, — one word 'fore I close, 
If you think there be those 

Who may, by chance, urge an objection 
To our union so sweet, 
Let me stop to repeat 

That my life is laid bare for inspection. 

I have sinned, it is true. 
In too much loving you. 

But that is no fault of my own ; 
For if it be a crime, 
Man must sin all the time, 

Or, at least, long as you live alone. 

This being the case. 
My sweet little grace, 

Let me love you, adore you I pray ; 
And "when the war ends," 
We will join hearts and hands, 

And be happy fore'er and a day. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 87 



ROMEO AND JULIET. 

N their days of adolescence, 

He would often in her presence 
Press his tempted, manly arm around 

Her Venus, willing waist ; 
While they'd each nurse the reflection, 
That there could be no objection, 
To the golden opportunities 

So happily embraced. 



Ah, how well they now remember. 
Those long nights in cold December, 
When, the gas turned low, they snuggled 

'Mid the dim, uncertain light ; 
When exquisite hugs and kisses 
Gave to each more joys and blisses 
Than the angels who beatify 

Within celestial light. 



88 ODDS AND ENDS. 

A SATIRE. 

Respectfully dedicated to the able editor of the Bungaloo Herald. 

TV BROTH of a b'y from Donegal, 

'^ or may be County Kerry— 

Precisely whence it is not known, 

belike, from Tipperary ; 
At any rate the big spalpeen 

got in his head the notion, 
Like millions other Oirish lads 

to cross the briny ocean. 

He had the rich and mellow smell, 

of garlic-garnished onions, — 
He stood in number twelve brogans 

to hide his swollen bunions,— 
He wore his hickory striped shirt 

a month,— perhaps e'en longer,— 
Because it had the effect, they said, 

to make the odor stronger. 

Now Moike a great aversion had, 

for personal use of water, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 89 

It e'er should be prohibited 

by law, he said, and ' ' orter ; ' ' 
'Twas onlj^ good to sail our ships 

and quench our raging fires; 
And any man that said not so, 

was one of Eagan's liars. 



A regular jobbernowl was Moike, 

unsightly, green, ungainly, 
The butt of all the emigrants,— 

the female portion mainly : 
But Moike, although a gawky chump, 

was not devoid of knowledge, — 
He had that homely natural sort, 

that ne'er was gained at College. 



He always took his whoiskey sthraight, — 

and he took it early, often, — 
He said it had the tendency, 

his sterner stuff to soften; 
And when full up he'd sit him down, 

and scribble off brief verses 
With airy ihyrne and touch of wit, 

for children and their nurses. 



90 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Now Moike was harmless,— and all the b 'ys 

when he might talk would listen ; 
And simulate their hearty laughs 

while his liquid eyes would glisten ; 
And though his jokes were threadbare, stale, 

they 'd make believe them funny ; 
Because they knew he'd ''set 'em up," 

if he could raise the money. 



Once in America, our Moike 

began to dream a vision. 
He looked back on the Emerald Isle, 

with pity, not derision ; 
And pictured to himself the day 

when he, too, might be leader 
Among our dimmycratic hosts, 

of which that Isle was feeder. 



Time jogged along, and so did Moike, 

he little heeded trouble ; 

He'd pull in harness any where,— 

in single or in double ; 

He had no cares beyond today, 

he thought not of the morrow ;— 



ODDS AND ENDS. 91 

Like water from a canvas back, 

he'd shed his every sorrow. 



But Moike had genius, latent, hid,— 

although he didn't know it; 
The time had not been opportune 

and place for him to show it; 
Until at last the hour came, 

the day and the occasion, — 
When Bungaloo aloud, called out, 

"come, Moike, without evasion." 



Our vacant Editorial chair 

is empty, come and fill it ; 
Our Herald's last bad Editor 

did all he could to kill it ; 
We hope that you can make alive, 

bring back its circulation,— 
For or against, write as you will, 

'twill meet our approbation. 



And so the b'y unto himself 

said now's the time to nail 'em: 



92 ODDS AND ENDS. 

All men have chances to do well 

if they would but avail 'em,— 
I'll strike the iron while it's hot, 

and beat it to my shaping ; 
I'll take the popudem old hulk 

and give it thorough scraping. 



I'll satirize, philosophize, 

write politics and verses ; 
I'll comment on all sorts of things 

the daily Press rehearses: 
And if, perchance, some layman writes 

a simple virtuous poem, 
I '11 ' ' take him off " in cheap burlesque, 

and to my readers show him. 

I '11 run the Bungaloo to win, 

I '11 veer it with the weather ; 
The party has no conscience left; 

its hide is tough as leather : 
I '11 advocate whatever seems 

today most like to carry; 
And if tomorrow issues change, 

why they anrl I will marry. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 93 

What's principle in politics? 

who cares for so-called honor 1 
The Bungaloo is not that kind,— 

don't bring that charge upon her; 
The Bungaloo seeks not to lead, 

but servilely to follow, 
If gainful, any prejudice 

how ever cheap or hollow. 

Thus spake our hero to himself, 

in gleeful satisfaction, 
Apparently in buoyant mood, 

delighted with his action; — 
His readers, too, enjoyed the fun, 

they voted Moike a daisy; 
But the owners of the Herald said, 

' ' go slow Moike, take it aisy. ' ' 



94 0BD8 AND ENDS. 

TO MISS J. L. 

While ill. 

Alas! the frailties of our mortal life, 

One scene of changeful yet continuous strife, 

Where all our pleasures are at best allied 

With sickness, sadness, sorrows multiplied; 

Where all our happiest fancies are but mixed 

With iriipert'ections in our natures fixed, 

And where our purest purposes are twined 

With pains, and griefs, and woes that fret the mind. 

Is there no clime where this shall have an end? 
No country where we ne'er shall lose a friend? 
No realm in which, our happiness complete,— 
Shall ne'er be trodden by unhallowed feet? 

Is there no place where this shall all be changed 1 
When what we suffer, love, be re-arranged? 
And 'stead of suffering, love be ours alone. 
Far out beyond this sublunary zone? 

There is : There is, a brighter happier place. 
Where radiant beauty beams in every face ; 
And where, when one I know, shall enter in, 
Sublimer strains of music shall begrin. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 95 



OSHKOSH. 

71 MAIDEN out west in Oslikosh 
'^ Went a shopping without her goloshe ; 
And although she knew well, 
Yet she never would tell 
How her beau pulled her out of the slosh. 



TALE OF A WAG-POOT. 

Courteously dedicated to Editor Carmack. 

I N a city once growing and great 
' Lived a Wag-poot o'erflowing with hate; 
He would gnaw an old file, 
Writing fustian the while, 
Because a man lived in the State. 

This Wag-poot was childlike and bland, 
But never could quite understand 

How a man could be true 

Or a just act e'er do 
Unless he with AVag-poot would stand. 



96 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Though this Wag-poot was young, fresh and callow, 
Of the genus described as marshmallow ; 

He could pen page on pages, 

Criticizing the sages, 
Not dreaming the while it was shallow. 

This Wag-poot did not think it wise 

To see things through different eyes; 
And should a man dare 
To have views, he would swear 

That 'twas time for the country to rise. 

A thoroughbred Wag-poot was he, 
As all could most easily see ; 

He would paw like Bashan 

If one mentioned this man,— 
The ' ' red rag ' ' to this Wag-poot bull-ee. 

Notwithstanding all this it was said, 

This Wag-poot wagged on until dead ; 
Time and progress moved on. 
Just as though he'd not gone,— 

And the people continued well fed. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 97 



THE DEMOCRATIC EDITORS. 

FROM THEIR FRIEND. 

Respectfully dedicated to the bright young editor of the 
Nashville American. 

^HESE Democratic Editors, 

* Good fellows one and all, 
Save when they write of politics, 

They 're bitter then as gall ; 
One must not think that they mean ill 

Because their words seem stern, 
They'd run a mile at any time 

To do you a good turn. 

E'en when they use the harshest terms 

They often mean the best ; 
And when they stab you with their pens. 

They do so but in jest; 
They bruise and batter with their types — 

You'd think they meant to kill. 
But, bless your soul, they only seek 

Their columns scant to fill. 



98 0DD8 AND ENDS. 

Your Democratic editor, 

Earns all his pay, and more ; 
His Bourbon readers look to him 

For ''Rep." scalps by the score; 
And if, perchance, the tables turn, 

And "Reps." take his instead, 
His paper is required no more. 

Then better were he dead. . 



It is no easy task to write 

So as to please each man 
Who may a deadhead reader be 

And leader of the clan ; 
For often 'tis, that those who make 

Most noise and pay the least. 
Are first to clamor for the front 

At every Bourbon feast. 



My admiration knows no bounds 
For knig-hts of the goose quill ; 

And yet I frankly own sometimes, 
'Twere better they be still ; 

They cannot heighten much their fame 
Unless in Truth's rich mine 



ODDS AND ENDS. 99 

They dig and delve from day to day,— 
'Tis only there thej^'ll shine. 



I would not think by this to cast 

By any means a slur ; 
I would not e'en insinuate 

A Democrat could err; 
And yet if I could catch his eye 

I'd point to him the way 
Of safety for an editor 

To travel day by day. 



But after all, the world is young, 

Scarce peeping from its shell ; 
And editors who seek for fame 

Would wisely work and well, 
Should they adopt the standards high 

Of courtesy and truth,— 
These are the rounds by which to reach 

The mark set in their youth. 

A thousand years or so from now 
We all may be forgot ; , 

: LofC. 



loo ODDS AND ENDS. 

It may not matter much that we 

Wrote poetry or not ; 
But should we, Avhether editors 

Or readers, aye aspire, 
We 're mighty apt to hear ' ' Well done. 

Enough, now come up higher." 



TO MISS M. W. 

(Written on the back of my presented photograph.) 

J /W\IE) all our journeyings in the silent past, 

' ^Some clinging memories cleave and hold us fast, 
Each in its train presents some good or ill, 
And each we cherish or reject at will. 

If, looking back through all the joys we've known, 
Thou cansi recall the brightest of thine own, 
May this mute image Friendship herewith sends. 
Be coupled with them till thy Being ends. 



ODDS AND ENDS. loi 



COMMON SENSE AND COMMON HONESTY. 

Respectfully dedicated to the "Unlimited" Idiot. 

\ A /E prize old things, but sometimes like them best 
■ ^ Wlien furbished brightly up and newly dressed. 
We tire at times of even the best of fare, 
And find relief in change of scene and air. 
When dinned in musty prose ' ' Sixteen to One ' ' 
Day in and out into our ears we shun 
The very thought of having silver ''free" 
Thrust at us morn, noon, night, eternally. 

If therefore, now my audience will be quiet 
They shall be briefly fed on different diet, 
Which if digested well may prove not only healthy 
But tend to make them wiser each, and wealthy. 
So putting it in verse — ,to aid digestion, — 
Let's seriously discuss this vexing question. 

(I) 

Two parties of the nation stand 

Today in war arrayed. 
Each pointing at the other's throat 

With keen and whetted blade ; 



I02 ODD IS AND ?JNDS. 

(II) 

And both are honest in their cause, 
And both seem firm intent 

To wield the strongest weapons 
That their genius can invent. 

(Ill) 

And what is all this noise about, 
And all this cannon roar? 

Why all this wild commotion now, 
That spreads from shore to shore? 

(IV) 

No foreign foe insults our flag, 
No warships threat our ports ; 

Why be alarmed about our land 
Or anxious for our forts ? 

(V) 

Ye men of this United States, 
If you will lend your ear 

I'll tell you why dark dangers lurk 
And hover round us near. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 103 

(VI) 

It is because dense ignorance— 

Though honest— wields a lance, 
And through our boasted ballot box 

Finds e'er its chief est chance, 

(VII) 

The enemy we've most to fear 

Throughout the nation's life, 
More dreaded in her brave career 

Than any form of strife. 

(VIII) 

A combination, rare indeed, 

Of causes not foreseen, 
Has forced the question of finance 

The parties all between,— 

(IX) 

Of all the questions in the world 

Most intricate, abstruse. 
And yet from noisy, shallow minds 

To get the most abuse. 



I04 ODDS AND ENDS. 

(X) 

The issue that today has set 

The nation by the ears, 
And filled the patriotic heart 

With dark foreboding fears. 

(XI) 

Is simply 'money"— mammon's god, 

The quantity, the kind, 
And whether "Standards" one or two 

Is best for us to find. 

(XII) 

''Bimetallism" seems the want, 

And to this we all agree , 
And this is what the nation's had 

Since eighteen seventy-three. 

(XIII) 

In all that time there has not been 

A single lonesome day 
When silver dollars would not meet 

A debt that gold would pay. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 105 

(XIV.) 

Though measured by the wants of trade, 

Raw silver has fall 'n below 
The value of the ''Standard" gold, 

As all our people know — 

(XV) 

Yet still our nation has kept the price 

At parity with gold, 
Because its honor and good faith 

It meant to ever hold. 

(XVI) 

But now, when silver has gone down 

To half its price before, 
When cheapening processes have it made 

More plentiful and lower: 

(XVII) 

Not all nations of the earth 

Are strong enough to say, 
"We'll pay for silver one hundred cents, 

Worth fifty cents today. 



io6 ODDS AND ENDS. 

(XVIII) 

And why should any honest man 

Desire now to be paid 
For either his produce or his toil 

In money of cheapened grade? 

(XIX) 

Does not the farmer's toil and sweat 

Entitle him to the best? 
Does not the workman at his bench 

Deserve full i)ay and rest? 

(XX) 

Does not the forgeman, all begrimmed 
With thick, though honest dirt, 

Deserve best dollars in the world 
To buy his bread and shirt? 

(XXI) 

Can it be true that any man 
Growing cotton, sugar, grain, 

Would advocate their payments in 
The dollars that have a stain. 



ODDB AND ENDS. 107 

(XXII) 

"CoDfederate" men especially, 

Who "have been there" before, 
And know by sad experience 

The great losses that they bore ? 

(XXIII) 

We do not now, per se, spurn silver, 

But want to use it well ; 
We want it at the highest price 

That it will daily sell; 

(XXIV) 

But to coin it for a dollar when 

'Tis worth but fifty cents 
Would be a bald dishonor 

Without e'er a recompense. 

(XXV) 

Suppose we had the silver law, 

''Unlimited" and ''free," 
What difference would it make to us? 

Let's cast about and see. 



io8 ODDS AND ENDS. 

(XXVI) 

We have no silver bars to coin, 

And could not hope to get 
A dollar from the Government, 

Unless we bought it net. 

(XXVII) 

But the "silver kings" who own the mines, 

They'd have a "jamboree;" 
They'd swap each half -a-doUar 's worth 

For a dollar in currency ; 

(XXVIII) 

And with this cheap stuff they would buy 

Our cotton, sugar, grain; 
Do you think you'd like to have this done 

Over and o'er again? 

(XXIX) 

No, no, my artless honest friend, 

'Twould tire you very soon; 
You'd want to change the policy, 

Ere the morrow afternoon. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 109 

(XXX) 

The world is run on Confidence, 

Good faith 'twixt man and man, 
And should a nation mar that rule, 

'Twould sink beneath a ban. 

(XXXI) 

Nations, like individuals. 

Have limits to their power ; 
Let them exceed these limit lines, 

And faith goes in an hour. 

(XXXII) 

Our silver dollars now extant — 

Four hundred millions odd — 
We've pledged to keep at par with gold. 

(They're stamped, "We trust in God.") 

(XXXIII) 

But should, in evil hour, there come 

A reckless policy 
Which coins them in an endless count, 

"Unlimited" and "free;" 



no ODDS AND ENDS. 

(XXXIV) • 

Such so-called dollars soon would line 

Our name with Mexico, 
And level this great nation down 

To depths e'en far below. 

(XXXV) 

What is it that the farmer needs 

To make prosperity? 
What is it that the merchant asks 

When he sends his ships to sea? 

(XXXVI) 

What does the manufacturer want 
To make his engines whirr? 

What all the honest, busy world, 
To keep affairs astir? 

(XXXVII) 

'Tis stable, honest Government, 

And dollars that will buy 
As much next year as they do today, 

With ever a good supply. 



ODDS AND ENDS. in 

(XXXVIII) 

These, with a benign Providence 

And steady, manly toil, 
Will make our nation prosperous 

Beyond the risk of foil. 

(XXXIX) 

"Pis not the stamp and printing press 

That make a people rich, 
But honest toil of hand or brain — 

Important both and each. 

(XL) 

Wealth is the creature of hard work, 

And only this be sure ; 
And not mere wild-cat promises; 

To be thought of never more. 

(XLI) 

Well nigh two hundred years ago 

One John Law taught the way 
To make the idlers "money kings" 

(As Bryan does today) 



112 ODDS AND ENDS. 

(XLII) 

By simply stamping fiat notes, 
With no redemption date; 

But his wild scheme went all to smash. 
And his name was held in hate. 

(XLIII) 

He died in misery and want, 
Disgrace and abject shame ; 

His scheme is held in keen contempt, 
And history scorns his name. 

(XLIV) 

'Tis strange in this progressive age 
Of righteousness and truth, 

That men held up for leadership 
Should blindly stand aloof 

(XLV) 

From all the teachings of the past, 

And shut experience out ; 
What wonder, then, if some conclude 

Their wits were gone about f 



ODDS AND ENDS. 113 

XL VI) 

But let us hope cool, common sense 

Will guide us in the right, 
And that the nation's honor will 

Survive this desperate fight. 

(XLVII) 

What is there in this world of ours 

Worth striving for at best? 
What is there that will most insure 

A peaceful, honored rest? 

(XLVIII) 

When toils of busy life are o'er, 

And all its strifes have ceased. 
Is it to feel that some poor soul 

By us has been oppressed ? 

(XLIX) 

Is it to know, by some sharp trick. 

We've settled some just debt, 
And though we hold a clear receipt 

We really owe it yet? 



114 ODDS AND ENDS. 

(L) 

That may pass muster in this world, 
But not in that to come ; 

Mars ' Peter will not ope ' the gate 
When such would enter home. 

(LI) 

The way for honest men to do 
Is to make no false pretense, 

Don't call a thing a dollar when 
It's only fifty cents. 

(LII) 

Deal justly with your fellow men, 
Strive for the golden rule, 

And thus act out the teachings 
Of the American Common School. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 115 



BEFORE AND AFTER. 



Respectfully dedicated and " consecrated " to the Big Bourbon 
Behemoth of Buzzard's Bay, Hog Island and the Dismal Swamp. 



T^ HE demmies once sang, ' ' Give us Grover, ' ' 
* And for four years we '11 all roll in clover, 

Now the Devil's to pay, 

And they've nothing to say, 
For their fat is completely fried over.. 

Like the braying of thoroughbred asses, 
They sang sweet as ten-cent molasses ; 
The fools yelled for ''a change," 
Till their crowd caught the mange, 
And you hear nothing now but alas ! es. 

For thirty years past as objectors, 
And ballot-box stuffing electors, 

They won great success. 

But they've made a sad mess 
Now that Fortune has made them collectors. 



ii6 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Their mugwump from old ''Injiany,"— 
Chief player on Grover 's piany : 
With Mills, ^'Isham" and Dan, 
And their "paramount" man, 
(Not to name Lil-i-u-o-ka-lan-i. ) — 



These have "busted" their wretched old party, 
Which has won the contempt, warm and hearty, 

Of every good man 

From Beersheba to Dan, 
From Hans Blitzen to Mike Moriarty. 

Having lost the respect of the people, 
They are now hiding in the "Trust" steeple, 

Where w^ith Gorman and Brice, 

And another small Fice, 
The chances are good that they'll sleep ill. 

But alas ! 'tis the fate of all liars, 
Beginning with old Ananias, 

Since the world first began,— 

Whether party or man,— 
To be tortured at last with Hell fires. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 117 



TO MISS A. C. 

'Twas springtime's rosiest hour. The little birds 
Were carolling their softest sweetest notes. 
The flowers were blushing 'neath the genial rays 
Of the warm sunshine. Streams were rolling on 
Their unimpeded currents lazily 
Towards the sea,— their grand receptacle. 

The Sabbath bells had chimed their matin peals, 
And the gray saint and youthful worshipper, 
But just returning from the house of prayer; 
Were pondering o'er the precious truths just heard. 

The sacred stillness that surrounded him. 

While seated in his lonely solitude, 

Reading from books that make men better men, 

Impressed itself with more than wonted weight 

Upon a mind long seeking to be fed 

With food, of which, if he should haply eat, 

He may not hunger more. And while he sat— 

The young man— silent, yet with restive will, 

A thought involuntary flit athwart 



ii8 ODDS AND ENDS. 

The vista of his mind,— that he would stroll 
Into the city 's crowded, 'wildering lanes ; 
And if, perchance, the social impulse rose. 
While yet he mused along the thoroughfare, 
He might step in and pass a pleasant hour 
With one,— a charming maiden, chaste and pure. 

He called : His summons met her at the door, 
And with a grasp of friendship did he take 
Her taper fingers in his uncouth hand 
And pass the usual friendly salutations. 

But lo ! aside in radiant beauty sat 
Another, who, till now, he had not known. 
Save by report, unheeded yet, of those 
Gallants who herald all fair visitors. 

Her name to him had been but nothing more 
Than the mere leaf blown by upon the breeze : 
But when the presentation came, and she 
With an unearthly sweetness all akin 
To Heaven, rang out in silvery tones a voice 
Of music sweeter than Aeolia's lute, 
'Twas then that every fibre of his frame 
Thrilled to the sound of that SAveet harmony ; 



ODDS AND ENDS. 119 

And stranger though he had been to that hour, 
And aimless as had been the uncertain past, 
And helpless though the future seemed to be,— 
The Present was all beautiful and bright. 
Because illuminated by her smile. 

H§ had not lived in vain ; that vision would 
Suffice, no matter for the frowns of Fate, 
To sweeten all his life through grief or gloom, 
And charm his being with the dear remembrance. 



MORNING- TO MISS A. B. 

Sunrise at Mammoth Cave. 

rT/AKE, dearest, from thy dreams, 
^ ■ And kiss the rosy morn. 
As o'er the East he seems 

Fresh into Beauty born; 
Behold his soft blue eyes. 

As waking into life. 
It seems a sweet surprise,— 

He'llfindit full of strife. •: 



I20 ODDS AND ENDS. 

THE FLAG- AN ALLEGORY. . 

Dedicated to "The Fakir Boy." 

^HE world do move," old Jasper said, 
* And none will dare gainsay it; 
If any debt we owe the Dead, 
It is but right we pay it. 

A custom held in high esteem 

Through all the buried ages 
Today is good enough, we deem. 

To apply to modern sages. 
And when we speak of sages, here, 

"We mean the new edition ;— 
The kind that ' ' rush where angels fear 

To tread, ' '— in brief transition. 

We do not mean the sages grand 

That thrilled our admiration 
In times long past, in every land. 

Of this or other nation,— 
We speak alone of modern sort. 

Who've won a brief distinction 
Through supreme gall, then sailed to Port 

Of final, lost extinction. 



ODBS AND END^. 121 

Those ponderous, bull-headed souls, 

Who think there are no others 
In all the world between the poles, 

Fit to be called their brothers,— 
Fat-witted egotists, who live 

In blissful sweet indulgence 
That their imagined charms but give 

Round all, a bright effulgence : 
Children of destiny,— they think,— 

For all the world to woo them ; 
The toasts for silly Chits to drink. 

And bat-winged birds to coo them. 



And then there is another class 

We meet with in our travels ; 
(Aligned with neither mule nor ass) 

My muse here now unravels. 
They're mostly made of words and wind; 

( These seem their chief possession ; ) 
And when their talk-machine you grind 

It goes without repression. 



Should one but mention cross of gold ; 
Or crown made up of thorns; 



122 ODDS AND ENDS. 

At once this gab-f est class, Ave 're told, 
Will carry off 'Hhe Horns." 

Alike these classes,— yet unlike,— 

Each bids for public favor; 
And hopes, in party wrecks, he'll strike 

On some sweet smelling savor. 
The one would have ' ' sixteen to one, ' ' 

One Hundred cents the other ; 
The Fakir Boy would take a gun. 

But ne'er a gun the t'other. 

The Behemoth, if President, 

Would spurn to join Hawaii ; 
The Fakir Boy to war is sent 

The fledgelings to decoy. 
He 's unsophistocate and young. 

He 's somewhat fresh and callow ; 
Not so the Behemoth, his tongue 

Is trained, but tough and shallow. 

And yet though true, 'tis strange to say. 
These antipodes, each, flatter 

Themselves, that, at a later da}^ 
Their foes they yet may scatter. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 12, 

Mistaken souls ! what vain conceit 

Should in their visions enter; 
They're, both, back numbers,— in retreat 

To farthest verge from center. 

Does any sane mind e'er presume, 

Our boys who've gone to battle. 
To give our growing nation room, 

Would yield like driven cattle. 
And give these captured Islands back 

Where they have raised "old glory"? 
If such there be, they sadly lack 

Sound stuff in upper story. 

No, no, last year's bird's nests are not 

By patriot voters wanted; 
The Fakir Boy and Behemoth 

Will not, henceforth, be vaunted. 

Our Nation 's eyes are to the front, 

They see no retrogression; 
Our ships the far off stations want. 

And we will keep possession. 

Conquest was not the impelling force 
That set our war in motion ; 



124 ODDS AND ENDS. 

'Twas Human Rights that led our course,- 
The most enlightened notion. 

Will any Yankee Soldier Boy 
Who fought for justice, honor, 

Consent to throw by, as a toy. 
Rich Islands thrust upon her ? 

We want no fossil, dead men 's bones 

Our offices to encumber; 
They should be,— like rejected stones,— 

Cast out with rubbish lumber. 

We want live, sound, progressive men,— 

No Behemoths nor Fakirs; 
No last year's birds' nests once again,— 

They're for the undertakers. 

The coming century we'll start, 
Embalmed in song and story ; 

We'll trust in God, act well our part, 
But ne'er haul down ''Old Glory.'' 



ODDS AND ENDS. 125 



TO L. E. 



(By Request). 



/^ N a cold wintry day 
^■^ In his room far away 

Sat a batchelor lonely and sad; 
He had no one to cheer 
'Mid the silence so drear;— 

No loved one to make his heart glad. 



How he wished for some friend 
Who his step might attend,— 

Whose light-hearted prattle and glee; — 
Whose sweet, silly mirth 
Might ring out round his hearth,— 

Like the tones of some fresh " G. & G. " 



126 ODDS AND ENDS 

BEAUTIFUL BATHERS. 

Written on the back of a Long Branch Hotel bill of fare. 

^^H swelterer beneath the rays 
^^ Of Dixie's torrid sun; 
Come spend with us, these glorious days 
Until your summer's done. 

The luxuries printed on this page, 
Come, with us freely share; 

We'll show you, too,— dame Fashion's rage- 
Bath dresses thin as air. 

Their draperies cut with artist skill. 

Thin pretence to conceal. 
But plainer show the snowy hills 

I must not here reveal. 

And when in ocean's waves they splash, 

Keep one eye skinned forsooth; 
And you may make a killing ' ' mash ' ' 

Upon ''the torch of truth." 



0DD8 AND ENDS. 127 



EPITAPH 

On an Unfortunate Bachelor. 

•T" HE man who lies beneath this stone 
* Lived through the world and died alone 
He spents his talents, time and money 
Among the sweets, but got no honey ; 
Till at the last, with brave devotion. 
Gave up the ghost, and found his portion. 

MomL 

Ah ! if" in Heaven there be no Ladies, 
He'll move his lodgings down to Hades. 

Greenbrier White Sulphur Springs, Va., 
Summer, 1873. 



TO MISS E. T. 

During the thick of war, 1863, who requested me to write 
some poetry. 

You ask for poetry. Rememberest not 
How loth the poet's pen essays to write? 
The times are sad. One cannot write in strains 
To charm the senses as in days of eld. 



128 ODDS AND ENDS. 

When mirth and melody, with all their train 
Of joys attendant, rang our bright homes through. 
One cannot now, as then, call up the muse 
And force him into cheerful revelry. 

The merry music and the giddy dance 

That erstwhile called our fancies into play, 

Attract us not with their light levity ; 

And scenes once charming tempt us now no more. 

But yet why grope amid these darksome days? 
The clouds that lower black athwart our sky, 
Will melt away when dove-winged peace shall come 
With all her brood of sweet-tongued harmonists. 

War's rumbling thunders, which now shake the land, 

Will die again away ; and then we each 

Shall feel how sweet the friendship of old friends 

Made doubly dear because again come back 

To share our joys the old home roof beneath. 

Till then, sweet girl, I cannot think to write 

Or'poetry or prose, e'en page or line. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 129 



PHILOSOPHY IN SUNDAY CLOTHES. 

(Midnight on Chicago Beach.) 

\ A /HENCE, where and what, these stars that shine 
■ * so bright ^ 

That peer upon ns through the black of night ? 
Is 't true that they are are separate worlds, alone, 
Far out beyond this sublunary zone? . 

Has each, like ours, its rivers, lakes and seas 1 
Its valleys, mountains, and whate'er you please. 
Its men and women rushing to Klondike, 
Its good and bad— whatever sort you like? 
Has each its churches, schools and its saloons? 
Its music, discords and harmonious tunes ? 
Do Corbetts and Fitzsimmons' "strike out" there? 
Or is their climate filled with purer air? 
Do ''Pullmans" draw their dusty souls along 
And dump them out to jostle with the throng ? 
On gay ''Chicago Beaches"— can it be? 
Oh ! how delightful, could we only see. 



I30 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Have they their Cubas, aad Hawaiis— these— 
Their Calif ornias, with their mammoth trees? 
Their parks of Yellowstone, their deserts drear, 
Where sound of Man is heard not in the year— 
Their lands of plenty, where the hands of toil 
Tickle successfully their fertile soil ? 
Their Coxeys, Altgelds, Bryans and their Peffers, 
Their "Bulls and Bears" and too, mayhap, their 

heifers ; 
In short, have they, like we, the best and worst 
With which a nation e'er was blessed or cursed? 

Have they their Eries, Michigans, Superiors, 
Compared with which all others are inferiors ? 
With gilded ships that onward ply the main 
Like monstrous shuttles forth and back again ? 
Have they Yosemites, Niagara Falls, 
AVhose roarings are but Nature's ceaseless calls? 

Have they the nameless new machineographs 
To bring back, fresh, forgotten cries or laughs? 
Have they McCormick Reapers, Armour Beef — 
Such things are not, in this age, past belief — 
When man may call to man across the sea. 
The days of wonder need no longer be. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 131 

And are these myriads worlds, or great or small, 
To come at last within electric call 
Of this small earth— the babe, for aught we know— 
At any rate no man shall say, ''not so." 
The time is ripening rapidly, let us hope. 
When Mystery's locked-up chambers all shall ope, 
And when what now seems veiled in darkest night, 
Shall stand ablaze with keen effulgent light. 

All these and more, we ask ourselves— but why? 
It is not given to men below the sky ; 
We speculate and wonder, then we dream, 
But only know things are not what they seem. 
And as the waves break on this pebbly shore, 
We wonder on in silence all the more ; 
And ask ourselves the question, ' ' Is it true ' ' 
That no man knows what's best for him to do? 
The books we read tell, each, a different tale, 
And where one wins, a hundred others fail ; 
And then we drop outside the busy throng. 
Perhaps A^'ithout a single sigh or song. 

But after this, what then? What visions tell 
Our destination— whether Heaven or Hell? 
But is there Heaven, and is there also Hell? 



132 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Alas ! eoiild we but know, 'twere for ns well. 
Our ' ' Standard Guide, ' ' in language always vague, 
Tells just enough our curious minds to plague, 
And treats in phrases so dark and abstruse 
That ere we catch fast hold, we let it loose. 
We, with intent, to pulpit teachings lean, 
But come away not knowing what they mean; 
We strive to glean the wheat from out the tares. 
But come back empty to our load of cares. 

The teachings of the fifteen hundred creeds— 
Each sowing multiplicity of seeds- 
Confuse our faith and make us doubt the whole. 
To satisfy the longings of the soul; 
And then in dense philosophy we turn. 
The midnight lamp to studiously burn. 
To see if in this pregnant world around 
A spiritual ray of light is found. 

But are the other myriads circling stars 

More worlds like ours, outside the bounds and bars 

Of space, more populous than is our own? 

And if, by scientists, it has been shown 

That they are peopled too— what must we think 

As, standing upon speculation's brink, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 133 

We would with finite figures try and name 
The millions, billions, trillions — all the same — 
The numbers infinite, now gone before 
To that unknown and unimagined shore 
Where all are going, be it soon or late — 
(No priest can tell) to meet an endless fate? 

We ask ourselves if, in this little earth— 
(Whose being is of very doubtful birth) — 
There dwell, of millions fifteen hundred souls ; 
Between the Arctic and Antarctic poles; 
And further ask, if in each generation 
These die and are transferred to other station. 
To be succeeded by as many more 
As those forgotten, who have gone before 
During the six or sixty thousand years 
This little earth has whirled amid the spheres ; 
We plaintive ask— if all these things be true— 
What is a hungry, starving soul to do? 
And to what creed is he to safelj^ tie 
To s^ive him satisfaction if he die I 



'Tis never safe to cling to orthodoxy, 
Continuously, in person or in proxy ; 



134 ODDS AND ENDS. 

For each proclaims the other heretic, 

And there are times the charge is apt to stick. 

The better way, we think, for each to do. 
Is, first of all, be sure to self be true. 
And it will follow, as the night the day- 
No man e'er trod a safer, better way. 
Then add to this the homely "Golden Rule," 
With daily practice in his working school ; 
Treat others as you 'd have them aye treat you. 
Pay to your fellows all that is their due ; 
Be ever just and fear not man or devil, 
And to the hungry poor be always civil, 

With these your guerdon^ guide, you need not fear 
Your future life, because you're happy here. 
And those whose worldly lives are thus well spent 
Are safer hereafter— no odds where they went. 

Chicago Beach Hotel, August 26, 1897. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 135 



A BOULEVARD BELLE. 



TV BELLE on our best boulevard 

*^ Said she feared all her chums might think hard ; 
Because she stole all their beaux 
And pulled them in by the neaux,— 

Then slipped them out through the back yard: 



But the girls soon caught on to her game, 
And agreed 'twas a sin and a shame; 
And should she again dare, 
They would snatch her back hair; — 
But her beaux vowed she wasn't to blame. 



136 ODDS AND ENDS. 

ON THE BALCONY, BY MOONLIGHT. 

Written for Miss L. T. 

t'T'IS sweet to sit on a night like this, 

* Beside the girl you love; 
And while you sit to steal a kiss, 
And thus enjoy sublimer bliss, 

Than spirits do above. 

'Tis sweet with your arm around her waist. 

To dream away the hours ; 
And slyly sip a sweet foretaste. 
Of pleasure more exquisite, chaste, 

Than rarest gems or flowers. 

'Tis sweet beneath the pale moonlight, 

To catch her languid sigh. 
And feel she loves you in her sight, 
More dearly than the stars love night. 

Ah ! thus 'twere sweet to die. 

Yet sweeter far than this, than these. 

With your head upon her breast, 
To bask in rapturous, perfect ease. 
Her tapering hand the while you squeeze, 
And rest, and rest, and rest. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 137 



THE RED WAGON OF PROGRESS. 



A Political Moral. 



Dedicated to the "Rope-Bridle Democracy. 



N passing up the street today, 
Observing things along the way, 
A scene caught my attention ; 
'Twas not within itself of worth— 
(And this is true of all on earth) — 
But prized for what I mention. 



A superb wagon green and red, 
Fresh painted all— pole, Avheels and bed- 
Drawn by two thorough spankers 
Stepped briskly on, as if they knew 
Exactly what they ought to do— 
The breed for which one hankers. 



138 ODDS AND ENDS. 

3 

Five cotton bales of "middling fair" 
Were drawn along by this game pair 
As if it were their pleasure ; 
They seemed to know their driver's will, 
As on they cantered from the mill 
Pulling their fleecy treasure. 



I further saw, far, far behind, 
A go-cart of an antique kind. 
Exhumed from former ages; 
It seemed to come from Noah 's Ark, 
Its life had lost the vital spark 
That burned in previous ages. 



It had no body, bed or pole, 

'Twas all in pieces— had no whole. 

Its so-called wheels were rotten ; 

They zigzagged here, and zigzagged there, 

(The driver did not seem to care) — 

"With one bale "doo- tail" cotton. 



ODDS AND ENDS. i39 



Two starveling mules composed its team, 
One blind, one spavined— roan and cream— 
With broken ropes for bridle ; 
And as the wheels would scream and screak, 
These stolid mules would seem to speak 
Their watch-word, Idle, Idle. 



And so, I set to musing much, 

To see if I could draw from such . 

Scenes eloquent, a moral; 

'Tis not worth while through life to go, 

Said I, unless we seek to show 

The good that may be for all. 

8 

The application thus to make 
Of this experience, now I take 
The present apt occasion ; 
And make each incident apply 
So clearly that the layman 's eye 
May see without evasion. 



I40 ODDS AND ENDS. 

9 

One parly types the "dog-tail" bale 
The starveling mules, the credit sale, 
The rotton, screaky wagon; 
While 'tother types the thoroughbred, 
The painted wagon, green and red— 
You never see it lag on. 

10 

It looks ahead, and not behind, 

It wants the best of every kind, 

It's always for progression; 

"While 'tother, hungry, ragged, gropes. 

Well satisfied with knotted ropes. 

Sees naught but retrogression. 



11 



We come today with offers fair 

To ask "if men have pluck to dare 

To vote unbiased tickets ; 

Which wagon do you like the best ? 

The ''painted" or the '"antique" pest, 

The new, or that with "rickets?" 



ODDS AND ENDS. 141 

12 

Americans are worthy all 

The good things on this 1 ittle ball, 

And, specially, best money: 

The Philippines and the Canal, 

We'll give you— yes, we surely shall, 

And make our Future sunny. 

13 

Now, in conclusion, let me say, 

Our accomplished guest is here today 

To represent our party; 

Jump in our ''red" wagon, take a ride, , 

We'll land you safe on glory's side— Jf 

Hans, Pierre, and Moriarty. /'^ 



MRS. SHODDY SMITH. 

f;HEN Smith had amassed a few dollars 
Mrs. Smith grew too big for her collars 
- Then she turned up her nose 

And said, "See my fine cloihes,— 
They beat Mrs. Johnson's all hollers." 




142 ODDS AND ENDS. 



SATURDAY NIGHT. 

To Miss S. R. 

J'TIS Saturday night— the week is closed, 

^ Its labors hushed and done; 
Its toils, cares and anxieties" 

Have ceased with setting sun; 
And mammon, whom w^e serve so well. 

So loyally, so true. 
Shall be deprived, at least one day. 

Of thought and service too. 

AA^e'll wreathe around our lonely hearth 

In freshest, sweetest smiles, 
In flowers of fancy, absent friends 

"Whose memory time beguiles ; 
We '11 to each fragrant bud give name 

Of those we hold most dear ; 
And twine them 'bout our heart of hearts, 

An exquisite parterre. 



0BD8 AND ENDS. 143 

TO MISS F. T. 

On receiving from her a beautiful bouquet. 

I 'VE KNOWN a thousand pretty girls 
' With pleasing forms and faces, 
I've watched the sweetest flow' rets grow 
In trellised nooks and places. 

I've seen the rainbow span the sky 

In her serenest splendor,— 
The maiden look with loving eye 

Upon her brave defender; — 

But none of these, though sweet indeed, 

Were charming half as Florence 
AVithin whose eyes,— if one would read. 

See love in gushing torrents. 

She is the darling of my life, 

The paragon of beaut^^, 
And if she would but be my wife. 

How sweet would be life's duty. 

For then earth 's choicest gifts, I 'm sure, 

Would fall on me like showers; 
And all my home- joys be more pure 

Than are these sweetest flowers. 



144 ODDS AND ENDS 



MRS. FUSSER, OF FUSSERVILLE. 

Did you see Mrs. Fusser, 

Of Fusserville Town, 
As she drove in the park 
In her gorgeous new gownl 

All berigged top to toe 

In the finest, you know, 
Of exquisite things 

From the late Paris Show; 
The women all staring 

Admiringly so. 
And yet, yet, yet, 
She would fret, fret, fret. 

Because the old 
Vandergould, Asterbilt set 

Had costlier jewels 
Than she could e'er get — 

This beautiful fusser. 

This envious fusser, 

This unhappy fusser 
From Fusserville Town. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 145 

Did you wdtch, as she sat 

In the velvet-lined pew 
Of the godless ''Swell" church 

On the Fifth avenue^ 
That she prayed with one eye 

On Miss Banker's new bonnet 
And trilled from gold prayer book 

An opera sonnets 
This beautiful fusser 
From Fusserville Town. 



Did you notice her baggage, 

Just landed from ship, 
When it sailed into harbor 

Back from a long trip 
On a voyage of pleasure 

Around the wide worlds 
Did you count all her trunks, 

Satchels, bandboxes, each, 
As they lay helter-skelter, 

Strewn on the long beach 1 

If you did, you can answer 

This truly, I 'm sure, 
There were two to five dozen. 



146 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Perhaps even more — 

All filled with gems, diadems, 
Rich treasures galore, 

Culled, gathered from every 
Conceivable shore ; 
And yet, yet, yet, 
She would fret, fret, fret, 

Because the old 

Vandergould, Asterbilt set 

Had costlier treasures 

Than she could e 'er get— 
This beautiful f usser. 
This envious f usser. 
This unhappy fusser. 

From Fusserville Town. 



0DD8 AND ENDS. 147 

TO MISS M. M. 

Who asked me to write her some poetI^^ 

I I OW can I write when virtue 's charms 
■ * O'erwhehn me with a thousand fancies" 
How can I speak when angel eyes 
Confront me with celestial glances? 

Indeed I can 't, but I can love, 
Intenser far than words discover,— 
And, like bright halos from above, 
My holiest thoughts can round thee hover. 

CHRISTMAS CAROL, 1894. 

An "Owed" to my lover, Eddie Wagpoot Carmack. 
I. 

I 'LL mount my untamed Pegasus 
' And roughly ride him ba'r back; 
And should he run down some poor cuss, 
Let's hope it won't be Carmack— 

No, Carmack, Oh, Carmack, 
Not Eddie Wagpoot Carmack. 



148 ODDS AND ENDS. 

II. 

For years he's loved and sung' of me 
And kept me on his car track ; 
Now, it but fair would seem to be, 
I make return to Carmack— 

Good Carmack, sweet Carmack, 
Dear Waggie Wagpoot Carmack. 

III. 

Though weak and wordy, meek and mild, 
He sometimes takes a war tack ; 
Though Poppy's, Demmy's petted child, 
He's always Wagpoot Carmack — 

Yes, Carmack, 'poot Carmack, 
The same old sorrel Carmack. 

IV. 

He is no flop-eared, common mule. 
But a .blue ribbon star Jack ; 
And though he needs the common school, 
We all dote on our Carmack— 

My Carmack, your Carmack, 
Our Eddie Wagpoot Carmack. 



0BD8 AND ENDS. 149 

V. 

Grown gaunt on grazing Bourbon fields 
And munching "ole Pete" har'-tack; 
He finds it little profit yields 
To Waggie Wagpoot Garmack, 

So, Garmaek, Sick Garmack, 
Is tired of Wagpoot Garmack, 



VI. 



Thus, let our herald sing and write, 
And turn our thoughts 'way far back 
To that amoosin', harmless mite 
Now known as ''Pooty" Garmack— 

Ghaste Garmack, fresh Garmack, 
The only Wagpoot Garmack. 



KEY WEST. 

TV JUNIOR 'way down in Key West, 
^ Stole his arm 'round a pretty girl 's waist ; 
Then she said, '4f you please, 
Give a hard and long squeeze, — 

For we girls all like that sort the best." 



I50 ODDS AND ENDS. 



"SHE WAS NOT THERE." 

To Miss S. M. 

I AA^ENT to see Vestvali play 
■ ''Gamea, or the Jewish Mother," 
And saw sweet Silvia stolen away 
And taught to lisp for Ma another. 

I gazed upon that numerous throng, 

And scanned each face with anxious care, 

And, though Avell done, the play seemed long, 
Because Miss Lena was not there. 

The ciowd was dense, the scene was gay, 
All eyes looked bright save one sad pair. 

But they looked on as if to say, 

"I'm lonely now,"— she was not there. 

And oft when in the future, I, 
In giddy crowds, put on an air 

Of pleasure, with an inmost sigh 
I'll to myself, "she was not there." 

Niblo'8 Theatre, New York, 
Tuesday Night, October 13th, 186-. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 151 



WOMAN'S INCONSTANCY, 

To Miss B. V. 

\ A /HEN the heaving tides of ocean 
^ ^ Cease to mark their ebb and flow ; 
When a talking, tattling woman 

Fails to tell what she may know ; 
When to seek its lowest level, 

Rippling, sparkling water fails; 
When we may expect from heaven 

Copious showers of roasted quails; 

When the sun doth cease to lighten 

This our planet with his beams ; 
When the oath-devoted lover 

Is exactly what he seems ; 
When the fresh and early morning 

Fails to follow after night; 
When our conscience gives no warning 

Of the violated right ; 
When tlie frigid frosts of winter 

Cease to chill our morning breath; 



152 ODDS AND ENDS. 

When our lives are unaffected 
By the cold, grim monster, Death; 

Then may we expect forever 
Woman constant,— till then, never. 

Written on board Pennsylvania R. R. sleeping car, 
near Altoona, Dec. 20, 1864, 8 o'clock a. m. 



LINES TO A COMMERCIAL CORRESPONDENT 



M 



OST correspondents write too long and much. 
Hence this advice is proffered to all such. 



In business letters ne'er exhaust your text, 
But always keep back something for the next 
The meaning of each word be sure to know. 
And let your motto ever be ' ' go slow. ' ' 
Be diplomatic, don't get in a hole. 
And thereby lose your power of self-control. 
Multum in parvo,— much in little say,— 
This is the wise and always safer way. 

If you will daily practice these blunt rules 
The world will never class you with its fools. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 153 



TO MR. AND MRS. EDWARD H. CRUMP. 

On their wedding day. 

/^N the journey of life, 

To both husband and wife, 

There will come much to test your devotion ; 

Don't be tempted away 

By the wiles of the day 

From pursuits of the straighfoward notion 

To unitedlj^ fight 

For the Truth and the Rights- 
Come fair or come foul, stormy weather; 

And whatever you do 

Never fail to be true, 

But e'er pull strong and steadfast together. 



154 ODDS AND ENDS. 



GEO' AND LIL'. 

(Air— "Two Souls With But a Sicgle Thought.") 
" For Gro' Loves Lil and Lil Loves Gro'." 

OH, Lil, dear Lil, you naughty thing. 
Why will you fret me so, 
Your sable charms I daily sirig ; 
You're "paramount," you know, 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

You know I sent my servile Blount 
To find your shattered throne ; 
And though he made a treacherous hunt, 
His answer came "found none." 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

Still later Willis went with words 
Addressed "my great good friend," 

With music sweet as island birds, 
But purpose base to lend. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

And when iie asked brave Sanford Dole 
To let Lil have his head, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 155 

The answer came "upon my soul 
Not until all are dead. ' ' 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

Though poor old Gresham gave his soul 

To Demmies for a price, 
To put his rival " in a hole, ' ' 

Himself fell in a trice. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

And having earned impeachment now 

By violations gross, 
Of duty sworn and public vow, 

"My Congress" should enforce. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

Oh, Lil, sweet Lil, what shall 1 dof 

Too much for you I 've said, 
I 've soiled our flag to honor you, 

I wish that I were dead. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

Though fifty thousand cash, we hear 

Grove's "paramount" was paid 
For coddling Lil, we greatly fear 



156 ODDS AND ENDS. 

No light on't will be shed. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

Oh, how, on Buzzard's Bay I wish 

In cat-boat we could sail, 
And angle for Hell Grummet fish, 

Or suckers, or for whale. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

But if, perchance, that cannot be. 

Hog Island's charms are ripe; 
In sweet retirement there could we 

Hunt woodcock, duck and snipe. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

No Willis, Blount nor Hornblower there ; 

Could mar our blissful souls; 
We'd bask in sweet communion e'er, 

Unvexed by Hills and Doles. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 

And though "My Congress" and "My Throne" 

Might e'er endangered be, 
"We'd rest serenely in our own 

High prize of Lil and G. 

(For Gro' loves Lil, and Lil loves Gro') 



ODDS AND ENDS. 157 



Our esteemed contemporary, the Chattanooga News, calls our atten- 
tion to the fact that a rery industrious rhyme carpenter of this town has 
been selected by the " South Pittsburg Republican " for the United States 
senate, when next the Republicans shall have control of the legislature. 
We're willing. Whenever the one event occurs let the other come to pass. 
Either contingency is so remote that we can contemplate it with equan- 
imity. In the meanwhile, the thing in question will continue to dip its pen 
in the pig trough and write scurrilous diatribes against white men.— 
Editorial in Memphis Commercial Appeal of December 13th, 1895. E. W. 
Carmack, Editor. 



DITTY. 

To Eddie Wagpoot Carmack. 

Air—" The Clock in the Steeple Strikes Ten." 

Mama.— Oh Waggie, dear Waggie, what makes you 
so sweet 1 
You dear little Dickie, Dum Dee ; 
You worry your mama, and make her repeat 

Her chidings to her Teeny, Wee Wee. 
Unless you do better, dear Pootie, Poot, Poot, 

She'll level you down 'cross her knees, 
And give you a spank with the sole of her 
boot. 



158 ODDS AND ENDS. 

That'll make you cry, ''No more ma, 
please. ' ' 

"No more, no more, 
Oh mama, no more mama, please." 

Footie.—l know I am bad, but I've been badly foiled, 
You should in my childhood have seen 
That '^sparing the rod" is the thing that has 
spoiled 
Your boy, mama, now who 's so mean. 
If you had but switched him a dozen a day. 

The lesson had been lightly learned ; 
But now, mama dear, it but grieves him to 
say 
That your precepts, though wise, have been 
spurned — 

Been spurned, been spurned, 
Yes, mama, they all have been spurned. 

Mama.—T>e?LT Pootie, you've e'er been the hope of 
. your ma. 
She has always looked after your good : 
And though your bad nature came straight 
from your pa. 
She has taught you to squelch 't if you 
could : 



OBBS AND ENDS. 159 

But she finds out— too late— that it's no use 
to hope— 
The ' ' Old Boy ' ' has on you firm clasp ; 
And though she would save you, nor prayers 
nor the Pope 
Can extricate you from his grasp ;— 

His grasp, his grasp, 
Poor Pootie, the Imp has you bound in his 
grasp. 

Pootie.— 1 own up, dear mama, to all that you say; 
You were ever an angel of light ; 
But somehow or other I was bad from the 

day 
That my red top first blazed in the light; 
But now 'tis too late and the time is long 
past. 
Since hope beckoned onward to me ; 
I am lost, mama, lost, buried deep, overcast, 
In the depths of a fathomless sea,— 

Of a sea, woe is me. 
In the depths of a pitiless sea. 



i6o ODDS AND END^ 



EVANESCENCE. 



( i r\ H, why should the spirit of Mortal be proud, ' ' 
^^ When, at best, but as dust blown away in the 
cloud ; 
When, at most, but an insect to buzz and to sing 
For a moment of time and then off on the wing. 



JUST FOR FUN. 

A Toast to the Ladies, Delivered before the annual meeting 
of "St. Andrew's Society." 

'T'HE Ladies! God bless them. I've nothing to say 
* That could e'en remotely, exalt them today 
In your estimation or mine, what's the use 
Then, attempting a task that must baffle my muse 1 

The subject's so vast, comprehensive and wide, 
That 'twould seem simply folly to have the thing tried, 
And specially so, since, remembering the man 
Whom you 've chosen to speak has no definite plan : 



ODDS AND ENDS. i6i 

And yet, without purpose 'twere easy to name 
A long list of "v-irtues they justly may claim;— 
And, may be, some vices,— but these we'll pass o'er, 
For though they may have them, of this we're not 

sure. 

But one thing we do know, and that is so clear, 
That the wayfaring man, though a fool, may not err,— 
We know that without them 'twould be indeed sad, 
And man would, most likely, go soon ' ' to the bad. ' ' 

If there were no good wife to patch up his pants, 
To receive his abuse when her drunken lord rants, 
To sit up till midnight and put him to bed, 
'T would not be many moons till he woke up quite dead. 

If there were no sweethearts we'd pity the boys,— 
For theirs would indeed be a life without joys,— 
A life filled with sadness where hope never came,— 
A life of such gloom that we give it no name. 

For, talk as you Avill, of the world and its woes, 
(And that all have their share is a fact that each 

knows, ) 
There's one consolation to every young man, — 
To inarry his sweetheart,— provided he can. 



i62 OBDIS AND ENDS. 

There's such solid comfort in being well wed 
To a dear little Avife with a pretty red head,— 
A docile, obedient spouse who always 
Stands ready to do what her lord Tyrant says. 

It's so nice in the morning to lie snug in bed 
AVhile she lights the fire and bakes the brown bread, 
Goes out to the market and bri^igs home the fish, 
And serves for her master a fresh dainty dish. 

In this august presence, if there be a soul 
Who would not feel honored in having control 
Of just such a treasure as that here set forth. 
Then indeed he 's too mean to appreciate true worth. 

If there be a man living so stupid or base, 
Let 's not in our circle admit him a place. 
But cast him outside with such feeling of scorn 
That he '11 ever regret the dark hour he was born. 

For be it Avell known up and doAvn the broad land. 
That this is the platform on which we all stand, — 
"We honor the ladies,"— this is the main plank,— 
For if we 've aught good in us, them we must thank ; 
They are first in whatever good enteri:>rise starts, 
' ' They 're first in our pockets, and first in our hearts. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 163 

REPUBLICAN CAMPAIGN SONG. 

(Air— "Benny Havens, Oh!") 

THE Free Trade, Bourbon parrot cry, 
"The tariff is a tax" 
Cannot be made to tally with 

The cold and frozen facts. 
Our everyday experience is, 

Things never were so low 
As since the Grand Old Party made 

The tariff all the go— 

Made the tariff all the go, 

Made the tariff all the go, 
As since the Grand Old Party 

Made the tariff' all the go. 

The Democratic editors who 

Pooh pooh this true song, 
Down deep within their heart of hearts 

Must feel that they are wrong; 
The pens that forge their free-trade slush, 

Their paper, press, type, ink. 
All— all are less than e'er before 



i64 ODDS AND ENDS. 

And yet tliey will not tliink; 
And yet they will not think, 
And yet they will not think, 
All, all are less than e'er before, 
And yet they will not think. 

"We only ask good government, 

Low taxes and fair play ; 
Protection to onr workingmen, 

Who toil for daily pay; 
We ask that paupers, criminals. 

And European scum. 
Shall not be let within our gates. 

No matter whence they come ; 

No matter whence they come, my boys, 

No matter whence they come. 
Shall not be let within our gates. 

No matter whence they come. 

It may be well for England, 
Late ' ' mistress of the seas, ' ' 

To fight for pauper labor,— a 
Political disease.— 

But Uncle Sam's dominions, now, 
Are not the proper place 



ODDS AND ENDS. 165 

To flaant this British doctrine in 
The Yankee workman's face- 
In the Yankee workman's face, 
In the Yankee workman's face, 

To flaunt this British doctrine in 
The Yankee workman's face. 

Our wages-earning- boys well know 

That Bourbon Free Trade means 
Conditions here precisely same as 

Foreign daily scenes; 
They know that competition witli 

Redundant Europe's hordes, 
Would drag our workmen to the plane 

Of that controlled by lords,— 

Of that controlled by lords, 

Of that controlled by lords. 
Would drag our workmen to the plane 

Of that controlled by lords. 

Our Yankee Nation though yet young, 

The bottle has put b}^. 
As one among the nation's grand 

Tier mission is to try 
To elevate her masses all— 



i66 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Make men and women free, 

Through well-paid Labor, Tariff, Schools 
And Reciprocity- 
Schools and Reciprocity, 
Schools and Reciprocity, 

Through well-paid labor, tariff, schools 
And Reciprocity, 

Mechanics, Farmers, Workers,— all 

Who wish their money sonnd, 
Had better scan the dangerous clause 

In Demmy 's platform found ; 
Which seeks to start again State banks, 

Shin-plasters, wild-cat stuff, 
To buy the poor man's merest needs 

A bushel's not enough. 

A bushel's not enough, my boys, 

A bushel 's not enough 
To buy the poor man's merest needs, 

A bushel's not enough. 

The thirsty Bourbons never were 

So hungry and so lean; 
The equal of their fight for "pap " 

Has never yet been seen; 



ODDS AND ENDS. 167 

But Cockran, Sickles, Flower, Hill— 

All say ' ' Grove ' ' cannot win, 
'Tis useless for the boys to part 

With any of their tin— 

With any of their tin. 

With any of their tin, 
'Tis useless for the boys to part 

AVith any of their tin. 

The seventy-two State delegates 

Who went to Michigan, 
To nominate a candidate, 

And name their strongest man, 
Were all agreed 'twould never do 

To put up Grover C. 
While whetted razors lurked within 

The sleeves of David B., 

The sleeves of David B., 

The sleeves of David B., 
While whetted razors lurked within 

The sleeves of David B. 

Their faithful sage of Tammany, 

Who left a precious leg 
Upon his country 's battlefield, 



1 68 D 1)^ AND ENDS 

Will never budge a peg 
From what he said in Illinois 

A few short weeks ago ; 
"The soldier boys will never vote 

For Grover, " no ! no ! ! no ! ! 

For Grover, no ! no ! ! no ! ! 

For Grover, no ! no ! ! no ! ! 
The soldier boys will never vote 

For Grover, no ! no ! ! no ! ! ! 

The big Free-trade disciple 

Who lives on Buzzard's Bay, 
Cannot again be President, 

The tariff boys all say; 
And they mean "biz" you better bet, 

They're in the proper mood 
To send him up Salt River 

To "innocuous desuetude" — 

To innocuous desuetude. 

To innocuous desuetude. 
To send him up Salt River 

To innocuous desuetude. 

Our Benny is the boy they want, 
The boy they mean to have, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 169 

His term lias been a great success, 

AVise, firm, and true and brave ; 
The business men and laborers, too, 

Will rally and stand "pat," 
For Harrison, Protection, and 

Our old Grandfather's hat. 

Our old Grandfather's hat, my boys, 

Our old Grandfather's hat, 
For Harrison, Protection, and 

Our old Grandfather's Hat. 



A PAIR OF YOUNG LOVERS. 

T\ PAIR of young lovers &t Heaton 

*^ One moonlight night went to prayer meetin' 

But before they reached there, 

They both got on a ''tear," 
And concluded they'd rather go ''skeatin'," 



lyo ODDS AND ENDS. 

"PROTECTION VS. FREE TRADE." 

Schoolboy debat between Jim Cheep and Sam Sterling. 

1 i f HAT is Protection, tell me,Pa, 
■ '' I hear so much about? 
The chaps down at the grammar school 

All yell, and scream, and shout, 
And argufy with so much noise, 

My studies they prevent ; 
I wonder sometimes why such boys 

To school at all are sent. 

Jim Cheep, you know, is mighty smart, 

And thinks he's ''up to snuff"; 
And when it comes to say his part 

He thinks he knows enough. 
But Sammie Sterling don't say much,— 

He lets the others talk; 
In all the school there's not one such— 

With sober, studious walk. 

When Jim is in the baseball pen, 
Then Sammie 's at his books;— 



ODDS AND ENDS. 171 

Yoii ought to see him now and then, 

And watch how grave he looks. 
I tell you, Sammie knows it all,— 

And, come down to ' * hard tacks, ' ' 
He's solid as a garden wall, 

And talks alone in facts. 

You never hear him blow and brawl,— 

He is not built that way: 
He never says "dog gone it all," 

But studies night and day. 

The other day the boys sat down 

Beneath the old oak shade; 
Said one, let's have a little roun'— 

''Protection" 'gainst ''free trade;" 
We'll let Sam take "Protection's" side,— 

He always leaned that way; 
While Jim has noised it far and wide 

Free trade would better pay. 

Jim said the choice would suit him well, 

Because 'twas his belief 
Of all wise public policies, 

That surely was the chief; 



172 ODDS AND ENDS. 

And that no nation could be great 

Unless they stuck to this ; 
His father taught him that a ' ' state ' ' 

Could never go amiss 
If built upon that ancient faith, — 

And he believed it, too ; 
' ' All right, ' ' said Sam, I know ' ' thus sayeth, ' 

Though strong's, not always true. 

For me, I much prefer to bank 

On homely, common sense. 
Which teaches me the wrong is rank 

That drives our workmen hence. 

I freely yield the point you make 

That goods would cheaper be 
If branded with a foreign make 

Of labor, far from free. 
But cheapness is not always best 

For stalwart, noble men; 
There is a higher, holier test 

Due to our human ken. 

Said Jim, I take the selfish view. 
And buy where I can get 



ODDS AND ENDS. 173 

The biggest pile for my "spondoo,"— 
In trade, I have no pet. 

Suppose, said Sammie, Europe paid 

Her labor less than half 
The wages that our rule has made 

For toil and its behalf: 
Do you believe we, therefore, should 

Buy all our goods from them ? 
And thus deprive our laborers food? 

Could they starvation stem? 

If all the stuffs that we consume 

Came here from foreign parts. 
Our poor-houses would not have room 

To hold the bleeding hearts. 
Our toilers — men and women, too — 

Should be our primal care ; 
They only ask for work to do, 

And they should have full share. 

Now Jim, suppose we take your plan, — 

What would our workmen say? 
How could our, even, hundredth man 

Find work from day to day? 



174 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Where would their wives and children go, 
.And who would foot their bills? 

The thought is fearful, Jim, you know,— 
You could not count the ills. 

Oh ! come, now Sam, you look ahead, 

I only for today; 
What difference, when we both are dead 

What those who come may say. 
I owe Posterity no debt; . 

It has no claims on me : 
My mind is on the present set, 

I 'd let the Future be. 

I know, dear Jim, that is a view 

Preached freely through the land ; 
And while in theory may be true, 

In practice, will not stand. 
A government cannot be wise. 

Whose laws fail to provide 
Especially for the weaker class 

Who walk, and seldom ride. 
The poor with you ye have always. 

And labor is their lot ; 
And, that one 's honest labor pays, 

Should never be forgot. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 175 

We read that years and years ago, 

Before ''Protection" came, 
That laborer's wages were so low 

They scarce deserved the name. 
Whereas, now Jim, we all can show. 

And see it every day, 
That workmen fewer hours know. 

And get near twice the pay. 

Where once they lived in squalid huts, 

They now their houses own; 
With mirrors, carpets, artist cuts. 

And gardens, flower-grown. 

But even take the sordid view; 

To thinkers it is plain. 
To give the masses work to do 

Is e'er the public's gain. 

Look at our Dingiey tariff, Jim, 

'Twas ne 'er so high before : 
Then think how hungry, ghastly, grim, 

The one you so adore. 
Your Wilson-Gorman, free trade thing 

Brought idleness and rags, 



176 ODDS AND ENDS. 

And every neighborhood did ring 
With tramps, souphouses, ' ' vags. ' ' 

Distress pervaded every nook 
And corner of our land; 

AVhile bankruptcy and failure shook 
The base on which we stand. 



How is it now? Look where you may. 

Prosperity abounds; 
And laborers get the best of pay 

In all their daily rounds. 

The richest nation of the earth, 

And freest, too, today; 
We stand to labor 's cause more worth 

Than words can ever say. 
Developed thus we never could 

Have been, with your "free trade;" 
' ' Protection ' ' was the primal good 

That all these blessings made. 
And should your party e'er again 

Through some upheaval come 
Into possession of the rein 

That guides our country, some 
Free traders like yourself, dear Jim, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 177 

May live to see the day 
When from rags, hunger, gaunt and grim 
Our workingmen will pray. 

The ''good book" says we must provide 

First for our own hearthstones ; 
Nations must not this rule deride, 

Or they will end in groans. 
What might be wise for England, France, 

Might not be well for us ; 
And this is a great circumstance 

Free traders should discuss. 

I own up, Sam,— the facts all seem 

Indeed to be with you; 
But free trade theorists love to dream,— 

They've little else to do. 
I 'm frank to say, Sam, in my heart,— 

I think Protection best; 
But should I ''give away" my part, 

I'd be a common jest. 



178 ODDS AND ENDS. 



JACK AND I. 

TT/HEN Jack and I went out a sleighing 
■ ■ Ma cautioned us well against staying; 
Said she, ' ' if you run off the track 
And get snow down your back, 
There's no telling what girls will be saying." 



TO MY SWEETHEART. 

•T^HEY sat upon the portico, 
* One moonlight night in May ; 
And talked of what all lovers know. 
Until, enchained, he could not go. 
And yet he feared to stay. 

His arm her Venus waist entwined, 

She thought it not amiss; 
As, on his breast, her head reclined. 
In tender mood and yielding mind, 
He quaffed the nectared kiss. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 179 

A thousand twinkling, envious stars 

Peeped slyly on them there; 
Soft breezes blew a tuneful chime 
That with their hearts beat perfect time, 

And fragrance filled the air. 

The honeysuckle's sweet perfume 

Gave pleasure to the scene ; 
While distant music soft and sweet. 
Enlisted daintiest little feet, 

And made the bliss serene. 



And still he stayed,— blame those who may, 

His cup ran brimming 'er ; 
The clock struck twelve,— he only knew 
Of two sweet words,— of "Heaven" and ''You' 

But these, alas ! no ' ' Moore. ' ' 

Ah ! if within the world to come 

There be such joy as this ; 
May sinful mortals, such as he 
Be granted privilege to see 

And feel that past is his. 



i8o ODDS AND ENDS. 



AHVICE TO BOYS OF THE Y. M. C. A. 

*T^HE boy who would in life succeed 
* Must early lessons learn to heed 
Of self denial, sacrifice, 
To shun all roads that lead to vice ; 

Must learn that virtue ever brings 
Perennial pleasures, like the springs 
That send their sparkling currents forth,— 
More prized than richest gems are worth ; 
Should learn that poverty is not a curse, 
That many other things are worse; 
That honest toil, good men, good books. 
Are they toward which the wise boy looks. 
That idleness is the bane of life. 
The cause of drunkenness and strife. 
To every boy the greatest foe 
That good men yet have learned to know. 

t 
Of course not every boy can be 
A Vanderbilt or Carnegie; 
And wise it is that this is true. 
For then what would the millions do 1 



ODDS AND ENDS. i8i 

Mere dollars do not mean success; 
On this is often too much stress; 
But Justice, Honor, Truth combined 
In character like gold refined. 

The boy who works, who thinks, who reads, 
This is the boy who e'er succeeds; 
While idle boys with cigarettes, 
(Sometimes their parent's pampered pets) 
Run to perdition by Express. 
And make of life a horrid ' ' Mess. ' ' 



Now boys of this Y. M. C. A. 
If you will hearken what I say, 
I'll tell you how you each may win 
In whatsoever you begin. 

Remember, first, integrity 

Must be your base, if you would see 

At last a life of honor, ease. 

And such conclusions as would please : 

Then comes the Engine, Energy, 

To drive you on where e 'er you be ; 

Economy, her hand-maid too, 

These, all combined, will take you through. 



i82 ODDS AND ENDS. 

What is there in the future far, 
That each should make his polar Star ? 
No matter what, be more or less, 
Than each desires his "happiness." 

If, then, that is the final goal 
Of every restless, anxious soul. 
Where shall we find it— not in hell- 
But heaven, at last, where all is well. 
But what is Heaven, and what is Hell ? 
Each has his right to think and tell : 
That Love is Heaven, and Hate is Hell, 
In two short lines may be said well. 

The Heaven or Hell we wish or fear 
We may have daily with us here ; 
And need not wait until we die 
To find above or 'neath the sky. 

Now boys^ to sum up, let me say 
There is but one safe narrow way :— 
To each and all your fellows do 
As you would have them do to you. 
Live up to this from day to day. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 183 

And fear not what your foes may say ; 
Then when Old Time calls for your Checks 
You'll hand them in with naught to vex. 



May 19th, 1902. 



TO A LITTLE ''SUNBEAM." 

Miss M. W. 

TV LITTLE "Sunbeam" shy and stray, 
'^ Shone in upon my heart one day, 

When all was toil and strife ; 
It woke new echos pure and deep, 
And lulled the Evil all to sleep, 

But warmed the Good to life. 



A DUTCH SUPPER. 

^NE night at a famous Dutch supper, 
^ Attended by none but the ''upper;" 

A young man, it is said, 

Lost completely his head, 
And went home minus collar and crupper. 



i84 ODDS AND END8. 

MARY'S LITTLE LAMB. 

(Dedicated to Editor Carmack.) 

lUl ARY had a little lamb 
' ^ Whose fleas were white as snow; 
And everywhere that Mary went 
The fleas were sure to go. 

The sex of Mary's little lamb 

I never yet did know; 
But think it must have been a Ram 

Because she loved it so. 

Now every girl should have a lamb, 

As well as little Mary ; 
'Tis better than preserves or jam 
A maiden's life to vary. 

If editors had each two Rams 
To daily "if" and ''but" 

Within their editoriams 

'Twould save them many a cut. 

The Ram, in short's, a useful thing, 
(A truth too plain to utter) 

He is in every risk and ring 

Whose end is bread and "butter." 



ODD^ AND ENDS. 185 



TO MISS F. K. 

Answer to " I Did'nt Mean It." 

\ i jHEN I was twenty one or two, 
" ^ I loved, oh ! how sincerely, 
A pretty girl (twixt I and you) 
AA^ho loved me back right dearly ; 

The hours we spent in happy glee 
Were sweet, exquisite, many, 

And she alone I went to see 
In preference to any. 

But time passed on, and she, like all 
The women, changed her notion, 

Until the gulf, at first though small 
Between us, grew an ocean. 

The sweet communings we had had. 
Grew colder still and colder, 

And that which erewhile made all glad, 
Shocked now each new beholder. 



i86 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Experience thus so dearly bought, 
I prized at its true value, 

And took the lesson that it taught 
(Just as I surely shall you,— ) 

A¥ith resignation, patience, hope. 
That all is for the better, 

And, as you shall have ample scope. 
Have her own way, I let her. 

» 

The world wagged on,— and so did I, 

With purpose fixed, undaunted, 
I never stopped to ask her why 

My name had been supplanted, 

I took the adage that, within 
The sea there are good fishes 

As ever swam with golden fin. 
Or gratified one's wishes. 

• 

And so with philosophic view. 
Right on I trode the highway 

Of firm Resolve, and dared to 'Mo 
Or die," (but not in by-way) 



ODDS AND ENDS, 187 

Until I found the charmed one 

Above all others higher 
Than topmost peak of Washington 

Is 'bove Vesuvius' fire. 



'Tis strange that, knowing thousands, I, 

Of many points superior, 
Should take to one (I wonder why) 

In lesser things inferior; 
And yet 'twill be accounted for 

By those wise ones who 'vc travelled 
The thorny road old maids abhor 

And those who 've Love unravelled. 



Suffice to say, again in love 

In spite of the pre-decision 
To let the ' ' darling ' ' creatures rove 

Amid my cold derision,— 
I'm not so sure what is the best 

Or wisest thing to do, 
And so shall let the matter rest 

Until I hear from you. 

Now dearest darling, seeing this 
Dilemma that surrounds me, 



i88 ODDS AND ENDS. 

AVill you not comfort with a kiss 
The case which so confounds me ? 

And in addition tell me true, 
That you desire to marry, 

And that Moore is the man for you, 
And he'll rejoice,— ^' by Harry." 



A LITTLE BLONDE. 



TV PLUMP little blonde with eyes blue, 
'^ Said '^I really don't know what to do ; 
If the men don't propose 
Soon I'll be out of clothes— 
And, then,— oh it's awful,— boohoo." 



ON YOUNG'S PIER. 

^NE bright moonlight night on "Young's Pier," 
^^ When they both thought nobody could hear ; 

He asked his girl for a kiss. 

But just then heard a hiss,— 
Oh, 'twas awful ! Her mama stood near. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 189 



LIxNES TO AN ATHEIST. 



/^H, why, we ask, 

^ And then again ask why, 

These mountain peaks. 

That seem to pierce the sky. 

Were thus flung out 

To thwart infinite space? 

Who made their bowels reek 
With mineral wealth, 
And caused their breezes blow 
Perpetual health? 

Who crowned their dizzy heights, 
With brown, and gray, and green. 
With moon's oft rays 
And sunshine's golden sheen? 

Who ran the sparkling rivers 

At their base, 

With waterfalls to drive their mills apace 1 



I90 ODDS AND END8. 

Who hurled the mighty boulders 

From their tops, 

Into the depths below ? 

Was it some dread Cyclops 

Who lived 

A hundred thousand years ago? 

Who threw a pall of darkness 

O'er the Night, 

And Hooded Day 

With radiant, beaming light? 

Who spread the seas, 

And bound them in their bed. 

If not a God— 

The only Fountain-head? 

Who set the Myriad Stars 

That shine by night. 

If not "I Am"- 

The eternal source of light? 

Whose thought conceived 
This vast prodigious plan, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 191 

And made all subject 
To the will ol* Man? 



A God, a God, oh weak of faith, 
It must have been a God. 



Gawley Kiver, 

Alleghany Mountains, 

West Virginia. 



A TENNESSE CLUB" GIRL. 



"TV GIRL from the Tennessee Club 

'^ Said she was dying to get her a "hub;" 

And if he didn't come soon 

She'd go into a swoon,— 
But where is he?— ah, there is the rub. 



192 ODDS AND ENDS. 



OUR JONES. 

\ A /HAT ! never heard tell of our Jones? 
* ■ And the burdensome riclies he owns^ 
His lands and his lots, 
His silver ingots, 
And the wealth under which he e'er groans? 

Why ! he could not sit down at the table 

Without telling all, he felt able 

To buy out the old town,— 

(If they'd mark the price dowii, — ) 

Oh, Jones thought himself formidable. 

Jones worshipped one God,— that was mammon,- 
All else in his world was mere gammon, 
Through clouds and sunshine, 
Jones would fish, hook and line 
For suckers,— but never for salmon. 

At night before going to bed 

Jones would carefully count every ''red;" 



ODDS AND ENDS. 193 

And in the morn when he rose, 

Ere he put on his clothes, 

Pie would count it again,— it was said. 

Some wicked wight said Jones aspired 

To be by the ladies admired ; I 

But his gait Avas so vain, 

And his poses so plain, 

That the most of them said they got tired. 

But we all merely laughed at our Jones— 

Whose weakness was bred in his bones,— 

For he thought it no harm,— 

And it was his chief charm,— 

Oh, his dollars and he were twin, crones. 



194 ODDS AND ENDS 



MISS BLIOHT. 

7y DOZEN famous New York belles, 
'* Composing many noted "swells" 
Among "Four Hundred's" proud array, 
Sipped champagne at "Waldorf" today. 

A stranger near sat looking on, 
With admiration at the "Ton;" 
And wondering who they ail might be, 
Engaged in gossip iight and free. 

Their styles were "fetching," many-hued; 

Their gowns—some gorgeous, others good: 

Their hats, creations, each, oi art 

That alwaj^s play a vital pare. 

Shapes,— some were plump and others lean, 

While others some were 'tw?xt and 'tween. 

And as in walked a stately ' * Brune, ' ' 
A bachelor half in a swoon, 
ProfaneJy swore, By Jove, I'm gone — 
I've loved no girl before, no, none. 



ODDS AND END8. 195 

But strange,— another then tripped in, 
So full of sanctimonious sin, 
And witching beauty, type of blonde, 
That he could see no heaven beyond. 
What shall I do, says he, I swear 
I can't take both, I must forbear; 
I must decide 'twixt Blonde and Brune 
Or else I shall go crazy soon. 

In this dilemma he withdrew 

To study what was best to do : 

He counted o'er ths Brune 's sweet charms, 

Her Venus face, her bust, her arms,— 

Perplexed as man was ne'er before 

Because he did them both adore ; 

At last, inspired by happy thought 
Of ''heads and tails," he said, I ought 
Perhaps to throw for ' ' wet or dry, ' ' 
For chestnut broAvn or heaven blue eye ; 
For women are, at best you know, 
A lottery game of ' ' high " or " low. ' ' 

So suiting action to the word. 
And acting thus in strict accord. 



196 ODDS AND ENDS. 

He threw the dice three times in turn 

That he might from it surely learn 

Which maid to take, —when lo, behold, 

At every throw one spot of gold 

Appeared conspicuously in sight, 

And what do you think,— he named it "Blig^ht. 

Now was not this a strange event? 
Or was it by good spirit sent 
To aid him and to be his guide 
And help him \mely to decided 

A bachelor,— you ne 'er may pee 
Again this dream of beauty,— she 
May marry soon some trifling "cuss" — 
The very worst of all of us ; 
Who, leaving her may go to join 
The vilest in the "Tenderloin;'' 
And end in fatal light, or force,— 
Perhaps Dakota sham divorce. 

Waldorf-Astoria, 
New York. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 197 



CAMPAIGN SONG. 

Air-" The Bonnie Blue Flag." 

I ET all the boys that love the flag, 
^ The flag- of the Stripes and Stars, 
Shoot down repudiation's rag 

That Billy Bryan bears ; 
It is the emblem of the bad 

The wicked, and the unjust; 
Let's tear it into a thousand shreds 
And grind it into dust. 

Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 
And grind it into dust, 
Let's tear it into a thousand shreds 
And grind it into dust. 

Prosperity is what we want, 

And we can have it soon, 
If w^e can put the '^Poppies" down 

By next November's moon; 



198 ODDS AND ENDS. 

But should they get a tightened grasp 

Upon the country's throat, 
The poison of the deadly asp 

Could not more plainly show 't. 
Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 

Could not more plainly show 't; 
The poison of the deadly asp 

Could not more plainly show 't. 

An easy remedy's at hand, 

If men will only do; 
Not merely talk and idly stand 

And wait upon a few 
To carry on this great campaign, 

To save the Nation's faith, 
Which now^ is threatened with the pain 

Of palsy, if not death. 
Alas! Alas! 

Of palsy, if not death. 
Which now is threatened w^ith the pain 

Of palsy, if not death. 

Then shed your coats, men, one and all. 

Go lustily to work. 
Roll up your sleeves, sound loud the call, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 199 

And see that none may shirk; 
McKinley calls, none ever more 

^Deserved success than he ; 
To vote for him and Hobart sure 
Means great prosperity. 

Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 
Means great prosperity; 
A vote for him and Hobart sure 
Means great prosperity. 



200 ODDS AND ENDS. 

TOAST TO MEMPHIS. 

Upon her triumphant entry into the Twentieth Century. 

Hail Memphis, Mississippi Valley's Queen. 

We'll sing lier praises 'mid the joyous scene : 
She sits enthroned on Chickasaw's grand bluff, 

Our highest tribute not half rich enough. 
Her jeweled fingers pointing east and west. 

Inviting from all climes whate'er is best. 

Her natal day, coincident with our own, 
Has prided progress to the country shown ; 

And spite of adverse gales that on her blew 
She's entering, lusty, on the century new. 

Her bands of steel, now circling the whole land, 
Confirm and fix her base on which we stand ; 

And the bright future of her promise lies 
In action she must make both just and wise. 

The twentieth century, soon now to begin, 

One hundred thousand soulij nnds now herein, 



ODDS AND ENDS. 201 

With zeal and purpose to prepare the way 
For half a million at no distant day : 

The census names her third in all the South 
Of those not now afraid to ope their mouth 

In heralding her beauteous tempting charms— 
She freely offers all with open arms. 

Grown great enough to clasp all Faiths and creeds 
And wise enough to aid in all her needs — 

With hopeful eyes fixed on the rising sun, 
She looks not back but on to duty done. 

She knows that cities mighty cannot grow 
Where scummy prejudices reek and flow; 

And thus impressed, she offers all a chance 
To come and Avith us wield a liberal lance. 

Her pavements, sewers, waterworks and parks. 
Electric plants, her railways, public works. 

Her trolley cars, her telephones and wires, 
Her manufacturers, with their furnace fires— 

Her union stations, palaces, hotels, 

Her sanitation through artesian wells, 

Her system of both high and public schools, 



202 ODDS AND ENDS. 

In which are taught and pressed the golden rules, 
Her lawyers, merchant princes, doctors, all 

Her artisans, mechanics, great and small, 
And last, not least, her women, bless their souls, 

The truest, sweetest, best between the poles. 

The mighty Mississippi rolling by. 

Through which a nation's commerce soon shall try 
The shorter cheaper route to foreign lands 

In our own shops made by our own skilled hands ; 

And not far hence when all shall be complete, 
The waters of the lakes and gulf shall meet 

In one grand stream, Chicago to 'Orleans- 
Through river and canal— how much it means 

Computed cannot be by mortal pen— 
We've but to wait and calculate it then. 

These are the solid reasons that we give 

Why all should bring their families here to live: 

But pardon if we seem to grow profuse, 
'Tis hard to curb a wayward truant muse ; 

Our theme grows on apace, don't think us vain, 
For Memphis shall not look upon her like again. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 203 



GRAND MARCH OF '^THE NATIONAL EDITO- 
RIAL ASSOCIATION" OF THE 
UNITED STATES. 

'pHE flight of Time through ever-widening space— 
* More rapid than the eagle's swiftest pace, 
Has passed the milestones of six thousand years — 
Or sixty thousand, — 'mid the whirling spheres : 
Has Avitnessed wars for conquest and for peace. 
For which good men have ever asked surcease ; 
In all the cycles, not an atom lost, 
But only changed, with daily added cost. 

The myriad millions of the buried Past, 

AVhose names and memories were not born to last, 

Have mingled with the dust from whence they 

sprang— 
Their deeds forgotten, if in fact e'er sang. 

The seasons, in their turn, have come and gone, 

Beneficently bringing blessings on : 

Our favored land has yielded rich increase 



204 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Of annual bounties, wool and cotton fleece; 
Of precious metals, food and raiment, too,— 
All these have stood in front to tempt and woo. 

Our toiling masses better paid and fed 
Than those of other lands, alive or dead ; 
Their children daily taught in Public schools^ 
With justice and equality of rules ; 
The way to Honors open unto all,— 
The Poor as well as Rich, the great, the small; 
The Fount of Knowledge flowing rich and free 
As ]\Iighty Mississippi to the sea,— 
AA^here all may drink, and, drinking ne'er be dry, — 
Are ever open to the Low and High: — 
These are the glorious truths which stand today 
Confronting our wise Editors on their way. 
And as they come from South, North, East and West, 
Bringing from each and all, their views the best. 
We welcome them with hospitable cheer. 
Within our gates this Nineteen hundredth year. 
« 

They come presenting their composite thought, 
Of what should not be, as well as what ought ; 
Both they and we, in some things, likely, wrong, 
Yet striving each for Right, in act and song. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 205 

Each has been educated in the schools, 
Perhaps, enforcing different sets of rules : 
Yet looking all to patriotic ends, 
To which our Yankee Nation ever bends. 

Why are we rnet together here today 
To ponder over what each has to say? 
Why have you come a thousand miles or so?— 
Because each for himself desires to know 
Exact conditions all the country through, 
And of each phase to write precisely true. 

Your calling makes it plain to all, and clear, 
That new investigations every year 
Through Editorial search, should e'er be made 
If you would hold profession up to grade; 
You can't afford to take at second hand 
The facts that lie direct at your command. 

The Century now ushering in its mighty tread 
Along the way by Art and Science led, 
Is pregnant with developments untold, 
Of unimagined Grandeur, Gain and Gold. 

Our Governmental policies today. 
Political and Industrial, we may say, 



2o6 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Which rule our land and give it voice abroad, 
Mark Progress upon every mile of road; 
And teach the Nations, in a language plain, 
"Behold! all things are new," and old things slain. 

The world is growing better every day. 

No matter what the pessimists may say. 

Even "Steam," a few short years ago endowed 

With praises and with paeans long and loud, 

Is relegated to a seat in rear. 

Behind the cushioned place of "Compressed air;" 

And ' ' Electricity, ' ' while almost new, 

Is e 'en now fighting for its ' ' front seat ' ' too. 

These things we merely mention as we pass. 
To show their evanescence, as the grass : 
And though we wonder how it all can be,— 
Our minds so finite that we cannot see,— 
We yield obedience blindly to what is. 
And, Yankee like, say, "Guess" it is our "biz." 

Comparing with one hundred years ago 
Our later years, the old seem tame and slow ; 
And yet the seeds then planted in our land 
Have sprouted, grown, continued to ' ' expand, ' ' 



ODDS AND ENDS. 207 

Until today we spread from sea to sea, 
One Nation indivisible and free. 

Our Armies, led by Shafter, Lawton, Lee, 
By Otis, Wheeler, et id omne ge; 
Together with our ships by Dewey, Schley, 
Have hung our banners up athwart the sky 
In far-off Islands, there to wave for aye, 
For Right, for Justice, Liberty, we pray. 

Inertia is a foe to Nature's laws. 

We cannot stop,— 'twere death if we should pause, 

AVe must move on, it is not that we may, 

And when we plant our flag, we plant it to stay. 

The wars we wage were not of our own choice, 

And even now a Universal voice 

Would swell the air for Peace from our whole land. 

If but our foes could only understand 

We fight for equal rights and liberty,— 

That Governments shall make their subjects free. 

The tw^enty thousand Editors today 

Have, each, his own important part to play : 

He helps to mold the *' Public Sentiment," 



2o8 ODDS AND ENDS. 

Which through the throbbing wires is hourly sent ; 
And, knowing his responsibilities, 
Should set his standards high above the trees ; 
He should make daily, vigorous war on Wrong, 
For, at the most, he can't fight very long. 

This being true, his conscience and his skill 
Should strive with Best, his columns e'er to fill. 
His unsophisticated neighbors at Frogtown, 
Who scan the Paper Head, then throw it down, 
Are satisfied with Squire Jones's view, 
Because ' ' they say ' ' Jones knows a thing or two ; 
'Tis said he owns a ten-cent Dictionary, 
Can spell from '^B-A-Ba" to "Luminary;" 
Jones tells them that your views are sound and just, 
And whatsoever Jones says, ''goes,"— it must. 

Your duty is to lead, to civilize. 
To lift the masses, and to turn their eyes 
To loftier heights, not grovel in the ground 
Of Ignorance and Prejudice,— fast bound 
In rusty, clanking, galling, festering chains, 
That leave their inextinguishable stains. 
Your heaven-sent mission is to spread the Truth 
In beauteous phrase ; to educate the youth 



ODDS AND ENDS. 209 

In Purity and Patriotism high; 

Fit them to nobly live, and grandly die; — 

These lofty motives urging you along, 

AVill make your daily lives one glad, sweet song. 

And now, good friends, my task being nearly done, 
I'll ])roach a subject sweetest 'neath the sun,— 
A subject that has baffled wisest men, 
Beyond the Painter's brush, or Poet's pen: 

You ask what is it 1 'Tis ' ' the Ladies dear. ' '— 
Dispensing Sunshine, Music and Good Cheer, 
As blushing maids — superlatively sweet. 
As loving wives— yet holding higher seat: 
AVithout them, man were savage and a beast, 
With them, he's Lover, Charlatan or Priest. 
When troubles come. She's always at our back, 
And for sweet sympathy we never lack. 
When duty calls, you'll find her ever near; 
If sorrow comes, She's first to wipe a tear: 
She 's first in every charity that starts, 
First in our pockets, and first in our hearts. 
If Husband says " I 've stayed too late at Lodge, ' ' 
She. smiling, says, ''my dear, that's an old dodge; 
It seems to me that 'Chestnut's' served before,— 



2IO ODDS AND ENDS. 

But, never mind, this time I'll pass it o'er." 
Then "Hubby" turns away, and (in his mind) 
Says ' ' Mine 's the only woman of the kind : 
Of all the women in the land, she's sweetest. 
The best, most lovable — the disereetest 5 
Smith brags about his wife at every minute, 
But 'side o' niine, Smith's wife was never 'in it.' 

February 23, 1900. 



The following 

LINES 

are inscribed upon a polished panel in center of the massive 

granite wall encircling the family cemetery at Midland, 

Rutherford County, Tennessee: 



WATKINS-McLEAN. 

T^HE families of the Watkins and McLeans, 
* Regardless of the sunshine, snows and rains 
Rest sweetly here within these sacred walls 
Until the God they served shall sound his calls 
For each to'join the innumerable throngs 
That chant in Paradise their Angelic songs. 

A. D. 190a. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 211 



HELP THE NEEDY. 



On April 24th, the Woman's Auxiliary of Calvary Church gave a "sock 
reception" at the residence of Mrs. W. P. Proudflt. The scheme and 
purpose of the reception were set forth in verse, a copy of which was 
mailed to Mr. Moore, and this is how it ran: 



HON. WM. R. MOORE, 

Memphis, Tenn.: 

•7^ HIS little sock we give to you 
* Is not for you to wear; 
Please multiply your size by two, 
And place therein with care, 
In nickels or in cents, 
(We hope it is immense). 

So if you wear a number 10, 

You owe us twenty, SE E " 

Which dropped within the little sock 

AVill fill our hearts with glee. 

'Tis all we ask; it isn't much; 
And hardly any trouble, 



212 ODDS AND ENDS 

But if you only have one foot 
We'll surely charge you double. 



NoAv, if you have a friend quite dear, 

You'd like to bring with you, 

Or if you knoAv some one who'd come, 

We'll gladly give you two. 

So don't forget the place and date, 

We'll answer when you knock. 

And welcome you with open arms, 

BUT DON'T FORGET THE SOCK. 

And if perchance you're kept away. 
Why, send the full sock anyway. 



When a copy, as above, reached the desk of Mr. Moore, that gentleman 
at once dashed off the following response : 



TO THE WOMAN'S AUXILIARY OF CALVARY CHURCH: 

^HE ways to "raise the wind" 
* Are cunning, sharp and many ; 
But the "sock reception" dodge 
Is the "cutest" way of any. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 213 

I wonder liow it came, 

What genius claims the invention ^ 
In whose mind was it born? 

And what the first intention ? 
Did its author charge a fee? 

Or make request for patent? 
Did male or female start it? 

Or was the sex kept latent? 

These queries vex the mind 

On conning o'er the poem 
By women sent today— 

Oh, how we'd like to know 'em. 

God bless their darling souls, 

They always get our money ; 
And though sometimes provoking. 

We vote them sweet as honey. 

We SAY we won't, but DO— 

We know that we had better ; 
And, therefore, in ''the sock" we send 

One dollar with this letter. 



214 ODDS AND ENDS, 

Please send us prompt receipt, 
And spend this dollar v/isely; 

Let your outgoings be discreet, 
And keep your books precisely. 



BE EVER JUST AND TRUE. 

AA Y printer wants a single verse 

To fill this final page; 
And asks me to indite one terse 

And proper for the age 
Though modest his request, I own 

'Tis difficult to do ; 
And, therefore, press this line alone, 

^'BE EVER JUST AND TRITE." 



ODDS AND ENDS. 215 



AN OPEN LETTER TO THE YOUNG MEN AND 
BOYS OF THE SOUTHERN STATES. 

My Dear Young Men and Boys : 

Let all the people rejoice. The national election has 
passed ; and the flag of liberty, of justice and of civil- 
ization waves proudly tonight above our Titanic 
young nation— not only between the two great oceans, 
but, also, upon her righteously acquired possessions 
in the islands of the far-off seas, which, with the early 
completion of the Isthmian Canal, are soon to open 
to our young American men illimitable opportunities 
for their restless endeavors. 

We have a valid right, therefore, to reverently ex- 
claim ' ' Glory to God in the highest, ' ' and to adopt as 
our gonfalon, ' ' Peace on earth , good will to all men. ' ' 

It would not be either wise or magnanimous now to 
gloat over the thoroughly defeated party of multitudi- 
nous political sins and heresies ; but it is both wise and 
proper to rejoice that the combined patriotism of the 
nation, regardless of party names, has, by a majority 
approximating a million votes, saved them from them- 



2i6 ODDS AND ENDS. 

selves, by snatching them as brands from the Bryan 
burning. 

No man now— not even the Carmack Aguinaldoists 
—feels any alarm for our flag or anxiety about the 
continued prosperity which, like a mighty river ^ has, 
during the present Republican National Administra- 
tion, overflown and flooded all parts of the country 
and every class of its population. 

The fear that every business, man has felt at even 
the bare possibility of populist Bryan's election, has 
now passed completely away, and been supplanted by 
a serene, steady and unshaken confidence that the 
broad, wise and humane national policies that have 
for the past four years ruled our heaven-blest nation 
will for four years longer be vigorously pressed, and 
enable each and every class of workers — whether em- 
ployers or employes— to move confidently on in the 
undisturbed prosecution of their business plans and 
purposes. 

Confidence and stability are all-important factors 
in the calculations of all business men ; and nobody — 
not even the veriest populite— now doubts what the 
national industrial policies will be under the Eepubli- 
can administration. Capital and labor, hand in hand, 
can and will now move harmoniously on together in 



ODDS AND ENDS. 217 

the development of our unimagined national re- 
sources. 

There is no longer a miscegenated, populite, demo- 
cratic party standing in threatening attitude to fright- 
en and disturb and choke business enterprises. 

Of course there will be, as there always should be, 
an opposition political party; but the piebald and 
mosaics thing lately, by common courtesy, called De- 
mocracy, will never again disturb the dreams of the 
future. 

"The old thing" has died the ignominious death 
that knows no waking. Reqtiiescat in pace. 

The chief cause for national congratulation now is 
the final burial of that superlative egotist and pesti- 
lent demagogue who has for the last four years been 
itinerating on rear end trains throughout the nation 
trying to array the honest laborers against their em- 
ployers. 

The party upon whom he thrust himself, now real- 
izes that he has been too expensive a luxury; and 
henceforth he can never again, with that one or any 
other party, cut a national figure. 

No political organization will ever again attempt 
to force fraudulent 46-cent dollars on the farmers and 
wage-earners of the country. No considerable party 



2i8 ODDS AND ENDS. 

will hereafter attempt to discredit our .soldiers and 
belittle the American flag. 

No little bob-tail bull will ever again undertake to 
butt the great American engine while it is speeding 
with electric and accelerating velocity along the Bes- 
semer rails of progress and prosperity. 

No, no! All this sort of wickedness is forever 
ended. 

But, my dear sirs, this unpairalleled victory over the 
debased money advocates, repudiation and attempted 
humiliation of the dear old stars and stripes, sug- 
gests a moral which it were wise for us all to now both 
appreciate and appropriate. 

May I, therefore, be pardoned when I suggest that 
my birthplace, my accumulated years, and my long 
business experience, each and all justify me in kindly 
saying a few words to the present generation of young 
American voters, especially of those in the Southern 
States. I do not presume to speak to those of my own 
age. 

Your commendable love and loyalty to your ancestors 
have heretofore been strong enough to lead you away 
from the political leanings of your own enlightened, 
better judgments and dumped you into the pools of 
sodden provincial party prejudices. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 219 

You have hesitated to break away from their polit- 
ical teachings; and this is creditable to the prompt- 
ings of your sentimental nature: But as you have 
looked around and about, you cannot have failed to 
observe that the mighty currents of modern progress 
were rapidly drifting the Nation irresistibly away 
from the narrow and isolated stage-coach and ox-cart 
methods of ante-bellum days. 

You have been taught and educated in the theory 
that the United States tvere a confederacy; whereas, 
by the arbitrament of war— the highest and last court 
of nations— the political entity known as the United 
States IS now a nation. 

Old things have passed away ; behold all things have 
become new; and, better than all, you are now a 
proud citizen, not merely of some little provincial 
locality, unknown abroad, but. higher still, an impor- 
tant integer of this great United States, before whom 
every nation of the earth stands, now uncovered, hat 
in hand, ready to do respectful obeisance. 

No intelligent and thoughtful young Southern man 
can have failed to notice that the political policies 
urged and persisted in by the now discarded leaders 
of the so-called democracy of the Southern States, 
have been, ever since the great war, continuously, in 
their effects, obstructive and reactionary. 



220 ODDS AND ENDS. 

They have generally insisted upon prosecuting 
those political theories taught by John C. Calhoun, 
embodied in the general idea that "a part is greater 
than the whole," while the overwhelming majority of 
the American people— earnestly rejecting these po- 
litical heresies— have accepted and are now vigor- 
ously acting upon the opposite and common sense 
view that our nation of forty-five States is now infin- 
itely greater and grander than any one of its parts. 

These are suggestions worthy to enlist at least the 
careful study and consideration of every ambitious 
and studious young man in the Southern tier of States 
— especially of every one who may in the future de- 
sire to become president of the United States. (And 
why should not our Southern young men so aspire ? ) 

No matter how lightly he may now heed these warn- 
ings, their thoughtful consideration can do him no 
possible future harm. If he has ambition that covers 
his whole country, he must strive to become a part and 
parcel of it, and not be satisfied to lag superfluous as 
a mere sullen, unwilling and pouting appendage upon 
the ragged edge of the proud American procession as 
it marches on in mighty phalanx to grandeur and to 
national glory. 



ODDS AND ENDS. 221 

Only a few days more, and this red-letter nine- 
teenth century will have passed forever away. 

Its industrial, financial and political achievements 
have surpassed all the centuries that have gone before. 
What the twentieth century may bring forth is now 
wisely hidden in the great womb of the future. But, 
judging by the past, the nation may reasonably ex- 
pect to reach nobler heights than "eye hath yet seen, 
ear heard, or that it hath entered into the heart of man 
to even conceive. ' ' 

We of these Southern States, especially, have a most 
encouraging outlook. Nature has given us mountains 
of minerals, valleys of golden products, rivers of 
priceless wealth and water, and a climate of un- 
equalled salubrity. 

Riches lie undeveloped beneath every rood of our 
territory, and beyond the value of mathematical com- 
putation. But they need development. Wlio will 
dig and delve for it 1 Not the indolent and lazy sloth, 
laggard and grumbler who is merely always consum- 
ing the productions of the thrifty and blocking the 
mighty car of progress. 

The young man who is to win is the now poor boy 
who stands ready to defend his country's flag; who 
is now patiently poring over his books by night and 



222 0I)B8 AND ENDS 

toiling assiduously by day, with the firm purpose and 
resolve to carve his name, later on, among the noble 
American names that were not born to die. To aid 
him, therefore in his commendable purposes, let him 
be careful in his political party alliances. 

He cannot hope for success if he chains himself to 
some rotten and decaying political carcass that will 
forever act as an offensive brake upon his noblest 
efforts. He cannot successfully pull an effete and ob- 
solete political corpse. 

Then rather let him seek out and co-operate only 
with that party which has inscribed upon its banners, 
in flaming letters, the words: ^'Justice, Progress, 
Unity, and the Stars and Stripes." 

Living up to the higher ideals contained in this com- 
munication, and with an unfaltering faith in the God 
of our fathers, the way to honorable success lies today 
fevitingly open to every honest and industrious young 
American boy and man. 

I have the honor to be, my dear sir, very respeet- 
fnlly, Your obedient servant. 



WILLIAM ROBERT MOORE. 



Memphis, Tenn,, 
Nov. 8th, 1900. 



MAY 9 1903 



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